The Curse of a Jealous Partner

I was working with a man recently whose jealousy was ruining his marriage. Jealousy is an interesting psychological issue. For starters, jealousy is about control. On the surface, it’s an attempt to control one’s partner from falling prey to someone else’s advances. The underlying reason is insecurity. An insecure, low self-esteem person has an unconscious expectation that they are going to be rejected. It’s this fear that ignites jealousy and a need to control.

Obviously, jealousy is a cancer to any relationship because there is a refusal (or inability) to trust on the part of the jealous partner—that just feels too risky (thus, the need to control). Because of low self-esteem and an expectation of abandonment, the jealous partner—no matter how compliant the non-jealous partner—can never be satisfied. He or she will ask, “Where are you going?” “Who did you talk to?” “Why did you smile at him/her?” and so on. Since the jealous partner is missing the point, i.e., the need to develop more self-trust and a self-esteem, jealousy often will often go untreated, leading to the cause of many relationship catastrophes.


Disclaimer: The diagnosis of clinical anxiety or depressive disorders requires a physician or other qualified mental health professional. The information provided is intended for informational purposes only. Please understand that the opinions shared with you are meant to be general reference information, and are not intended as a diagnosis or substitute for counseling with your physician or other qualified mental health professional.

Self-Coaching.net provides access to resources and other information as a public service. Although reasonable efforts have been made to ensure that all electronic information made available is current, complete and accurate, Joseph J. Luciani, Ph.D. (Dr. Joe) does not warrant or represent that this information is current, complete and accurate. All information is subject to change on a regular basis, without notice.
Joseph J. Luciani, Ph.D., assumes no responsibility for any errors in the information provided, nor assumes any liability for any damages incurred as a consequence, directly or indirectly, of the use and application of any of the contents of the Self-Coaching.net Website.

Any electronic information or inquiries that Self-Coaching.net receives from visitors shall not be considered as, or treated as, confidential. The inclusion of, or linking to, other Website URLs does not imply my endorsement of, nor responsibility for, those Websites, but has been done as a convenience to my website visitors.