From a Self-Coaching perspective all problems can be traced back to insecurity. What is insecurity? Essentially it's that feeling of vulnerability when you begin to feel out of control, nervous or scared. What happens is that insecurity prompts us to control life--“I have to figure out how to be safe.” In time, you become reliant on figuring out and anticipating life (a.k.a., worrying, ruminating, etc.) rather than living it--“What if he asks me where I was? Should I say I was sick? And then, what if he wants to know….and so on.” And since we are creatures of habit, insecurity in the form of doubts, fears, or negativity becomes our habit.
For someone caught up in a spiraling habit of insecurity, anticipating and figuring life out (essentially through worrying or ruminating)--before it happens--seems much safer than living unrehearsed. In fact, if you've been living a controlling type of life, living more spontaneously may feel downright reckless. Fact is, it’s not reckless at all, it just feels that way. You have six-million years of instinctual, survival hard-wiring that’s not going to let you down. Not once you learn to trust. And this is one of Self-Coaching’s essential goals, to reconnect you with your innate capacity for self-trust. Only with self-trust will you be willing to risk living your life more naturally, more spontaneously, and less rehearsed. And when you do, it will be without anxiety and depression.