I submited it in "Ask DR. Joe",but it did not display.so,I submit it here,and may others can give me some adivice.Thank you.

At first，forgive me，my English is poor，maybe I can not explain my thought clear。
Your book lights my life,thank you!And,I have three questions。
1，in your book，you said，our anxiety and depression come from we want to control our lives，want to control all.(I don't know what word do you use in you book,maybe command or other word?What I read is its Chinese edition.)But, is it wrong that we want to control our lives to make our lives better？Now，I read your book，and want to change my life。this is I want to control my life，too！is' nt it?maybe you will say:what you talk in the book,is the right control?And what I want to cotrol,is wrong?But,did you say,"don' mind ,let it go"?do you want us do not control our lives,but control it in your way?
2,About fact or fiction
you said what we worrying about is fiction not the fact，but，I want to know，what I ought to do if it is fact？
in your book Self-coaching :how to heal anxiety and depression ,Sam ,the 36 years old accountant，I think it is fact that he let his wife and children down。he do not want them disappointed....this is not fiction，right？
in fact，when I make a mistake，and waiting for a punishment from my boss。this is the true life。and I feel anxious because I am waiting for a result。How can I deal with these anxiety？the self talk，the first step ，differentiate fact or fiction。if it is really important to me，not fancy，I don't know what to do.
3,There are two books what you write be printed in China。I have Self-coaching :how to heal anxiety and depression .And I want to know,need I buy the other,power of self-coathing:ethe five essential steps to creating the life you want?What is the difference between these two books？I feel they are duplicate.
Thank you!

My website is under construction and will be totally revamped by May 22nd. The new site will contain many options for social-networking, group forums, etc. Please do check back at the end of the month.

I did post to your question in the Ask Dr. Joe section, but I see it's not listed properly, so I'm pasting it here:

This is an important question. Let’s begin at the beginning. Insecurity is the root. All human beings have insecurity, it’s unavoidable. Why is this so? Because no one grows up in a perfect world, no one has perfect parents and to some extent, we are all influenced by insecurity. Insecurity is a feeling of vulnerability…an anticipation of chaos and not feeling safe. Let me stop her for a necessary digression.

Humans also abhor losing control. We seem to have a natural inclination to want to be in control. I feel this is instinctual. When threatened by danger, adversity, or other circumstance that throws us off balance and leaves us feeling out of control, we find ways to regain balance and control. If, for example, the roads are icy, you slow down and maintain more control over your car. If your doctor says you have hypertension, you begin to watch your diet and reduce your salt. And if you are chased by an aggressive dog, you instinctually find a fence to climb up or a stick to ward off the attack—you find ways to take control of the situation.

Okay, back to insecurity. Because of insecurity, we begin to anticipate chaos. We project doubts, fears, and negatives, (projections into the future are always “fictions” because the future is only a concept, it does not exist. Only this present moment exists, everything else is fiction) which leave us feeling relatively out of control, tense, or anxious (the underpinnings of anxiety and depression which are the end result of the depletion caused by this erosion to our psyche and soma). When this happens we reflexively resort to strategies of control (i.e., worry, rumination, perfectionism, avoidance, etc.) that have become—through trial and error—staples in our defense against perceived danger.

In my Self-Coaching book (Self-Coaching: The Powerful Program to Beat Anxiety and Depression, which is about 50% updated from the version of the book you have) Reactive Living, is essential to happiness. Reactive living is letting life unfold, but I’m not talking about life’s more neutral, circumstantial facts (as mentioned above, i.e., good control). I would be lost without my appointment book and my sticky notes…it’s not a matter of abandoning structure; it’s specifically about not projecting insecurity. Making a list of the ten phone calls I need to make today isn’t driven by anxiety or insecurity; it’s driven by neutral, life demands. If, however, I were to interject some “fiction” into the equation, i.e., “I don’t want to make that call because I’m afraid she will be upset with me.” This would be an example of where I’ve migrated from facts (number of phone calls to make) to fictions, (“What if she’s mad at me?”). By all means, structure you life in such a way that you are able to maintain balance and “good control” (i.e., dealing with facts) and begin to let go control instigated by insecurity…the bad kind of control (i.e., dealing with fictions, worries, doubts, fears, or negatives—projections of vulnerability and chaos). Hope this helps.

Yours,
Dr. Joe


Disclaimer: The diagnosis of clinical anxiety or depressive disorders requires a physician or other qualified mental health professional. The information provided is intended for informational purposes only. Please understand that the opinions shared with you are meant to be general reference information, and are not intended as a diagnosis or substitute for consulting with your physician or other qualified mental health professional.
Self-Coaching.net provides access to resources and other information as a public service. Although reasonable efforts have been made to ensure that all electronic information made available is current, complete and accurate, Joseph J. Luciani, Ph.D. (Dr. Joe) does not warrant or represent that this information is current, complete and accurate. All information is subject to change on a regular basis, without notice.
Joseph J. Luciani, Ph.D., assumes no responsibility for any errors in the information provided, nor assumes any liability for any damages incurred as a consequence, directly or indirectly, of the use and application of any of the contents of the Self-Coaching.net Website.
Any electronic information or inquiries that Self-Coaching.net receives from members shall not be considered as, or treated as, confidential.
The inclusion of, or linking to, other Website URLs does not imply our endorsement of, nor responsibility for, those Websites, but has been done as a convenience to our Website visitors.
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The Power of Self-Coaching: The Five Essential Steps to Creating the Life You Want:
www.self-coaching.net/books/power/index.php

Self-Coaching: The Powerful Program to Beat Anxiety & Depression:
http://www.self-coaching.net/books/healing/index1.php

www.self-coaching.net

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Thank you,Dr. Joe.
This is the first time I communicate with a author.I am exciting.I have read the book I have for one time.And it make me feel very well.Now I will read it more carefully agin an again,and begin to make changes.And I will buy your another book,too.
Maybe I am disgusted,but I think I have to talk about this again.I think what you talk about above is not very correctly.Sometimes I was like a philosopher,consider more and more theory and make me exhausted.I hate it,because it waste my time,and puzzle me.But if I can not find the answer,I don't know what I should do.
Now,back to my question.
projections into the future are always “fictions” because the future is only a concept, it does not exist.
What I want to say is that the result is “fictions” , but the situation is not.It is our real lives.In your example,the roads are icy is the situation,but even though I overspeed in the icy roads,the accident may not certainly happen,isn't it?so,if I use self-coaching here,I should tell myself :the idea that a accident wll happen is just “fictions”.I should stop it and let it be,right?Now,you know,my problem is I can not differentiate the well-balanced insecurity and the bad insecurity.compare with your example,I was chided by my boss,this is just like driving in the icy roads.I will be dismissed is just like the accident will certainly happen.And before the aggressive dog attacks you,it will be “fictions”,right?it is anticipating chaos,too.
So,I find out I can not use the self-coaching because the "fact" and the “fictions” are not very clear.Every bad situation is true.But every bad result is “fictions”.the bad situation is present,and the result I anticipate will be happen or not happen in the future.The bad thing will not certainly happen,but we can not say it will never happen,right?Should I completely disregarde evething maybe happen?And this leads to nihilism.It is my power to control my life and make myself better.If I I completely disregarde evething maybe happen in the future，why I live here，be a human being？How can I balance it?

sorry ，my poor english。“Please do check back at the end of the month.”I see it just now.You should not reply me,and I will post it in your new webeside.
Thanks,again.

Self-Coaching differentiates between circumstance-driven behavior (concerns) and behavior that is insecurity-driven (worry, i.e. projections of negativity, etc.). In our example, “icy roads” are a legitimate concern. Anticipating an accident is a fiction and a projection of insecurity. The essential difference is that circumstance-driven concern is based on facts (icy roads) while insecurity-driven worry is based on fictions (anticipating bad things will happen). The best way to decide if your situation is fact or fiction, is to begin scrutinizing your choices and differentiating between concern and worry. Before getting back to our ‘icy road’ example, let me explain further the difference between being concerned and being worried. Concern is a problem-solving approach dealing with objective and real facts. If you add insecurity to concern it becomes worry. The equation looks like this: Concern + Insecurity = Worry. Take the following example: “The roads are icy today.” This can be a concern, recognizing that icy roads do, in fact, increase the probability of accidents. Being concerned you make adjustments in your behavior—not because you anticipate an accident, but because the fact that icy roads decrease tire traction and maneuverability. This is all factual data and a “concerned” driver will take precautions to drive more carefully. If however you begin to feel, “I’m going to have an accident.” This, of course, is going beyond the data and allowing insecurity to predict doom-and-gloom. From a Self-Coaching perspective, concerns are legitimate ways to protect, survive, and flourish. Worries (which can be connected to legitimate concerns) takes it one step further and goes beyond the facts by creating a fictitious future event.

Dr. Joe

Disclaimer: The diagnosis of clinical anxiety or depressive disorders requires a physician or other qualified mental health professional. The information provided is intended for informational purposes only. Please understand that the opinions shared with you are meant to be general reference information, and are not intended as a diagnosis or substitute for consulting with your physician or other qualified mental health professional.
Self-Coaching.net provides access to resources and other information as a public service. Although reasonable efforts have been made to ensure that all electronic information made available is current, complete and accurate, Joseph J. Luciani, Ph.D. (Dr. Joe) does not warrant or represent that this information is current, complete and accurate. All information is subject to change on a regular basis, without notice.
Joseph J. Luciani, Ph.D., assumes no responsibility for any errors in the information provided, nor assumes any liability for any damages incurred as a consequence, directly or indirectly, of the use and application of any of the contents of the Self-Coaching.net Website.
Any electronic information or inquiries that Self-Coaching.net receives from members shall not be considered as, or treated as, confidential.
The inclusion of, or linking to, other Website URLs does not imply our endorsement of, nor responsibility for, those Websites, but has been done as a convenience to our Website visitors.

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Thanks.Your words is very important to me.