Forums - Ask Dr. Joe http://www.self-coaching.net/discussions/ Dr. Joe answers your questions in this forum. To Ask Dr. Joe a Question: Click Here To Read Past Questions and Answers: Click Here en Fri, 18 May 2012 04:07:21 GMT vBulletin 60 http://self-coaching.net/discussions/images/styles/new_facebook/images/misc/rss.jpg Forums - Ask Dr. Joe http://www.self-coaching.net/discussions/ Self-Coaching Thought Of The Day: Optimism http://www.self-coaching.net/discussions/ask-dr-joe/2207-self-coaching-thought-day-optimism.html Thu, 17 May 2012 13:13:09 GMT
If only a caterpiller could know its butterfly potential, how easy it would be to endure a caterpiller existence. You may not know what's ahead, but you've got nothing to lose by acting as if you will one day fly
]]> Ask Dr. Joe Dr. Joe http://www.self-coaching.net/discussions/ask-dr-joe/2207-self-coaching-thought-day-optimism.html Dr. Joe Article: Are You a Worrywart? http://www.self-coaching.net/discussions/ask-dr-joe/2206-dr-joe-article-you-worrywart.html Sun, 13 May 2012 16:10:12 GMT * What’s wrong with a...]]>
Are You a Worrywart?
What’s wrong with a little innocent worry once in awhile? For most people, nothing. But for a worrywart, worry is anything but innocent--or occasional. Worry, especially chronic worry (which is the cornerstone of anxiety and depression), exacts a psychological price that is often exorbitant. Physically, our body may translate the stress and tension of worrying into headaches, stomach distress, hives, insomnia, lower immune system response, or even heart attacks--not to mention anxiety and depression. And whether it's warding off a common cold or being susceptible to cancer, there's no doubt our bodies abhor worry.
Emotionally, worrying is no bargain either, leaving us feeling off balance, insecure, and often quite frantic. We become glass-half-empty pessimists, wringing our hands as we try to anticipate what might go wrong and how we're going to handle it. Worrywarts worry because their world has become riddled with doubt and distrust. If you can’t believe in life, you’re doomed to fear it. If nothing else, worry gives you a sense that at least you’re doing something to brace against life’s curve balls. Guess you could say spitting in the wind is doing something.


Why We Worry
Unfortunately, worrywarts feel there's little or no choice. Worry for them is the only way to survive things going wrong. Heaven help them if they get a bit complacent, lazy, or too relaxed--WHAM! Life will deliver them a blow from which they might not recover. If you’re a worrier, you’re probably convinced that if you worry enough, you might be able to figure out (control) all those what-ifs and then stop worrying. In a sense, you worry so you won't have to keep worrying.
Sometimes, worry is a form of damage control--since you’re expecting the worst, you try to minimize the pain. And sometimes worry is just panic translated into thoughts. If, for example, you can’t believe you’ll survive that important meeting in the morning, you might find the anticipation of losing your job, being disgraced, and never–ever--having another opportunity, throwing you into a Chicken-Little mentality. And when the sky begins to fall, don’t count on getting much sleep.

Self-Coaching Tip
Worrying is the anticipation of chaos
Worry versus Concern
Why do we worry? Worrying is an attempt to counteract what you feel insecure about. Since you have so little trust in your capacity to handle life--to be spontaneously successful–you begin what-iffing in a twisted attempt to figure out what can go wrong before it happens. You become seduced by the notion that if you can figure out what’s in store for you (I call this time traveling), then you can feel less vulnerable. If not less vulnerable, then at least braced and ready. It would be like knowing the questions that are going to be asked on a test. Even Chicken Little’s panic was an attempt to do something--anything--rather then let the sky keep falling.
Whenever I give a talk, I can count on someone asking, “Isn’t worry a normal part of life? I can’t imagine what would happen if I didn’t have any worries. You’ve got to admit, sometimes worry can be a good thing.” My response is always the same, “No, worry is never a good thing!” The reason I respond so adamantly has to do with understanding the difference between worry and concern.
Being concerned has to do with circumstances and facts, i.e., let's say you hear that sleet is expected for the morning commute. It's good common sense to be concerned and to anticipate the extra drive-time and get on the road a half hour earlier. No problem here. Given the same scenario, the worrywart may also hit the road a half hour earlier, demonstrating the same good common sense. But then, unfortunately, since worry is driven by reflexive, insecure thinking, it’s not fact or circumstance that determines the worrywart’s thoughts, it’s insecurity, "What if I get stuck in traffic? What if I have an accident? “What-ifs” are not facts, they’re mental fictions generated by insecurity. And that’s why worry is never a good thing.


Self-Coaching Tip
Being concerned is healthy because it is fact-based.
Worrying is destructive because it is fiction-based.
Since what-iffing is based more on reflexive projections of insecurity, worrying has very little to do with actual here-and-now problems (facts) or their solutions. A worrywart suffers from chronic, often intense, insecurity. In the above example, it's not the difficulty with the morning commute that initiates the what-iffing, it's the worrier’s insecure presumption that, "Nothing ever goes right for me. I can survive only if I prepare for the worst."
So, if you’re a worrier take a lesson from Mark Twain who once said, “I’ve worried about thousands of things in my life, most of which have never happened.” Next time you catch yourself worrying about something, ask yourself, Am I dealing with facts or fictions? (Hint: The future doesn’t exist. If you’re ruminating about something that hasn’t already happened, it’ a fiction!) By recognizing this simple distinction—facts versus fictions--you can begin to reclaim not only emotional solace and resilience, but you’ll also be adding years of healthy living to your life. And that’s a fact!
]]> Ask Dr. Joe Dr. Joe http://www.self-coaching.net/discussions/ask-dr-joe/2206-dr-joe-article-you-worrywart.html Self-Coaching Thought Of The Day: You can! http://www.self-coaching.net/discussions/ask-dr-joe/2205-self-coaching-thought-day-you-can.html Sat, 12 May 2012 14:43:06 GMT
The moment you believe, with all your heart, that you "can," that becomes the moment you unleash your energy. It is the moment that your hesitations vanish.
]]> Ask Dr. Joe Dr. Joe http://www.self-coaching.net/discussions/ask-dr-joe/2205-self-coaching-thought-day-you-can.html Self-Coaching Thought Of The Day: Why you struggle http://www.self-coaching.net/discussions/ask-dr-joe/2204-self-coaching-thought-day-why-you-struggle.html Thu, 10 May 2012 13:34:53 GMT Trying to analyze or figure out "why" you're struggling is...]]>

Trying to analyze or figure out "why" you're struggling is essentially a waste time. Like a cigarette smoker, it's not important to know why you took that first cigarette in order to break the nicotine habit--it's only important to stop smoking. When it comes to struggle, it's only important that you take action today to break the habits of insecurity that are ruining and ruling your life. Although it's illuminating to know why or how your struggles began, knowledge alone will not set you free. Action will! You must learn to starve the destructive, controlling habits of insecurity.
]]> Ask Dr. Joe Dr. Joe http://www.self-coaching.net/discussions/ask-dr-joe/2204-self-coaching-thought-day-why-you-struggle.html Self-Coaching Thought Of The Day: Rainy Days http://www.self-coaching.net/discussions/ask-dr-joe/2203-self-coaching-thought-day-rainy-days.html Mon, 07 May 2012 03:15:58 GMT
Why do rainy days get such a bad rap? The only difference between a rainy day and a sunny day is that one is wet, the other isn't. The point is that everything in life just "is." Nature, life, sunny days, and rainy days are all neutral! It's we humans that determine good, bad, positive or negative. Life will never bring you to your knees, how we interpret life will.
]]> Ask Dr. Joe Dr. Joe http://www.self-coaching.net/discussions/ask-dr-joe/2203-self-coaching-thought-day-rainy-days.html Self-Coaching Thought Of The Day: Weakness http://www.self-coaching.net/discussions/ask-dr-joe/2202-self-coaching-thought-day-weakness.html Fri, 04 May 2012 13:38:13 GMT
Don't make the mistake of thinking that because you have doubts, fears, or negative thinking, you're a weak person. Powerful and courageous people succeed, not because they are without shortcomings, they succeed in spite of them! It's your actions that define you, not your hesitations!
]]> Ask Dr. Joe Dr. Joe http://www.self-coaching.net/discussions/ask-dr-joe/2202-self-coaching-thought-day-weakness.html Self-Coaching Thought of the Day http://www.self-coaching.net/discussions/ask-dr-joe/2201-self-coaching-thought-day.html Thu, 03 May 2012 20:16:28 GMT
Handling Stress

A diamond is a piece of charcoal that knew the value of stress. In order to change, don't be intimidated by the stress you encounter along the way, it's the outcome that makes it worthwhile.
]]> Ask Dr. Joe Dr. Joe http://www.self-coaching.net/discussions/ask-dr-joe/2201-self-coaching-thought-day.html Self-Coaching Thought Of The Day http://www.self-coaching.net/discussions/ask-dr-joe/2200-self-coaching-thought-day.html Sat, 28 Apr 2012 14:42:48 GMT *Master your mind, or be ruled by impulse*
Master your mind, or be ruled by impulse
]]> Ask Dr. Joe Dr. Joe http://www.self-coaching.net/discussions/ask-dr-joe/2200-self-coaching-thought-day.html Feeling resistant? http://www.self-coaching.net/discussions/ask-dr-joe/2199-feeling-resistant.html Thu, 26 Apr 2012 15:42:24 GMT
The key to resistance is persistance

Resistance, whether it's doing bills, getting to work, or handling the myriad challenges of your life can become an ongoing source of psychological friction. It' s that feeling of being "stuck." From a Self-Coaching perspective, resistance can often be seen as a form of control, an attempt to avoid the implications of change. It's the devil you know being better than the devil you don't. Resistance, or psychological inertia, can exacerbate anxiety and depression as you continue to embrace the destructive habits of insecurity that keep you bottled up. The best way to overcome any psychological resistance is to persistently apply the steps of Self-Talk to your struggles, i.e., separating facts from fictions, standing up to insecurity-driven thoughts and risking letting go while learning to live your life more reactively. Take a look at some of my articles at this website for further discussion of Self-Coaching's method of self-liberation.
]]> Ask Dr. Joe Dr. Joe http://www.self-coaching.net/discussions/ask-dr-joe/2199-feeling-resistant.html Who am I? http://www.self-coaching.net/discussions/ask-dr-joe/2198-who-am-i.html Thu, 26 Apr 2012 13:26:50 GMT
Have you ever tried to answer the question, "Who am I?" Truth is this is an impossible question to answer. Not because it's illusive or complicated, but because who you are isn't a stationary concept, it's an ever-changing, evolving persona based on the actions and choices you make. Don't like what you see? Start making better choices!
]]> Ask Dr. Joe Dr. Joe http://www.self-coaching.net/discussions/ask-dr-joe/2198-who-am-i.html Handling setbacks http://www.self-coaching.net/discussions/ask-dr-joe/2197-handling-setbacks.html Wed, 25 Apr 2012 11:40:05 GMT When life challenges us with illness, injury, or setbacks, do you allow yourself to get setback? To feel defeated? If so, you must recognize that...
When life challenges us with illness, injury, or setbacks, do you allow yourself to get setback? To feel defeated? If so, you must recognize that the seeds of courage are never sown on windless, sunny days; courage demands stormy weather to take root. Adversity is your opportunity--use it, grow from it, find your mettle!
]]> Ask Dr. Joe Dr. Joe http://www.self-coaching.net/discussions/ask-dr-joe/2197-handling-setbacks.html Airplane claustrophopia http://www.self-coaching.net/discussions/ask-dr-joe/2196-airplane-claustrophopia.html Mon, 23 Apr 2012 10:08:51 GMT Dr. Joe, I have developed a severe fear of flying. I have always been a nervous flyer, but have still flown many times in the past. Recently the...
Dr. Joe,
I have developed a severe fear of flying. I have always been a nervous flyer, but have still flown many times in the past. Recently the fear has become so great that I was unable to board my flight and had to drive 600 miles instead.

The fear is more of a claustrophobia rather than fear of actually flying itself. I feel trapped on the plane in front of all those people. I feel I am going to panic and lose control and there is no where to escape. My throat gets so closed off I can hardly swallow my own saliva. The fear is also combined with worry about becoming airsick and vomiting in front of all those strangers which would be humiliating.*

I have frequent need to travel. How can I get over this?

Thank you in advance.

-Bretb
]]> Ask Dr. Joe Bretb http://www.self-coaching.net/discussions/ask-dr-joe/2196-airplane-claustrophopia.html Letting go of the past http://www.self-coaching.net/discussions/ask-dr-joe/2195-letting-go-past.html Sun, 22 Apr 2012 14:28:34 GMT
According to Confucius: "To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it." We can't control outcomes--only effort. True courage is having the tenacity to persist and endure through setbacks. What "was," can only exist as a figment of your imagination. What is, is! Nothing else matters.
]]> Ask Dr. Joe Dr. Joe http://www.self-coaching.net/discussions/ask-dr-joe/2195-letting-go-past.html Are you imprisoned by your thoughts? http://www.self-coaching.net/discussions/ask-dr-joe/2194-you-imprisoned-your-thoughts.html Sat, 21 Apr 2012 14:18:54 GMT
My all time favorite quote comes from the English Poet Richard Lovelace:"Stone walls do not a prison make, Nor iron bars a cage." Don't ever make the mistake of thinking that life circumstances are keeping you from the life you want or the life you deserve. Understand that only your thoughts, not your circumstances, imprison you. Self-Coaching is learning not to be victimized by doubts, fears, or negatives--these are the only iron bars and stone walls in your life!
Dr. Joe ]]> Ask Dr. Joe Dr. Joe http://www.self-coaching.net/discussions/ask-dr-joe/2194-you-imprisoned-your-thoughts.html Looking for an answer... http://www.self-coaching.net/discussions/ask-dr-joe/2193-looking-answer.html Wed, 18 Apr 2012 14:37:26 GMT Hello Dr. Joe, I learned about your books through a thread from another anxiety/depression forum. I then watched your video on your website. It...
Hello Dr. Joe,

I learned about your books through a thread from another anxiety/depression forum. I then watched your video on your website. It is very inspiring and motivating to say the least.
A little about my history with anxiety/dep...
Life seemed to be going good, very happy, used alot of positive thinking in my day to day (read many positive helf help books/audio etc.) life albiet very busy. A couple of months ago I began having panic attacks out of the blue. They scared me terribly and along with them came this overwhelming feeling of hoplessness where I couldn't understand where it was coming from. The more I tryed shutting it off, the worse it became. I would use positive self talk, feel good for a while and then those feelings would just come right back and feel defeated. My focus has become on myself and the way I'm feeling. It's hard to concentrate on other things...day to day life. I want to stop thinking about the way I'm feeling and go back to having random thoughts float in and out of my head. Can you please offer any suggestions on how to do this.
]]> Ask Dr. Joe ihavethepower http://www.self-coaching.net/discussions/ask-dr-joe/2193-looking-answer.html