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todayoklw 03-16-2015 08:28 PM

I need to know how a normal and healthy mind should be.
Dear Dr. Joe,

I do have determination to change bad habits and I can change, I just don't know how a normal and healthy mind should be, I've read The Power Of Self-coaching many times (I read it whenever I have time), but I can't really feel the concepts in the book, I can exactly read English, so language is not the problem, I've had many psychological problems since I was 11 or even younger or maybe at the very beginning, I think maybe it's because that I never know what a normal and healthy mind looks like, so I can't really understand and feel what the book says, take Self-confidence as an example, no matter how many times I read the explanation of Self-confidence, I still don't know how Self-confidence feels like, maybe I've felt it at some time in daily life, but I can't make sure whether it is the Self-confidence.

Thank you so much!

Dr. Joe 03-18-2015 05:47 PM

You raise an interesting question. Part of the problem in trying to define feelings is that everyone will give you a different interpretation of what happiness or self confidence feels like. It would be like ten people watching a sunset, each would describe it quite differently, but perhaps there would be a common thread of "appreciation" reflected in all the experiences. This is true when, for example, we try to describe a "normal" healthy mind, or self-confidence, etc. The thread that runs through these experiences, in my opinion, would be a relatively stress free, upbeat feeling of being able to handle life without unnecessary worry, apprehension, or anticipation. Essentially, self-confidence is a willingness to believe that we can handle what life throws at us. As for "normal-healthy," perhaps we can say that this might be described as a psychological resilience that simply trusts that we are able to handle life's challenges with confidence (i.e., willingness to believe) and optimism. Okay, all that said, let me now give you perhaps the most important point. As with all things psychological, if you over-think these experiences you might wind up congested with convoluted thoughts spinning through your head. As Justice Potter Steward once said of pornography, "You know it when you see it." Same goes for what's normal, healthy and confident, 'you know it when you feel it.' Try to relax and simply let life unfold—as they say at A.A., 'let go, let god.' To me, that's the surest way of finding solace and well-being.

Dr. Joe

todayoklw 04-09-2015 10:11 PM

Dear Dr. Joe,

Thanks for your reply.

After reading The Power Of Self-coaching, I can't understand most of the concepts in the book, including Insecurity, Self-confidence, Intuition, Living in the moment(you told me this in your reply) and Letting life unfold(you told me this in your reply), etc, there is nothing in my head when I read them and I don't know what exactly they refer to, but in general, when I read a concept such as Momentum, I can immediately know what exactly it refer to, what should I do? I've being tried to feel and understand the concepts in my daily life, it seems it works, but I can't make sure that what I've felt are what the concepts in the book refer to, and because I can't understand most of the concepts I can't really apply them into my problems.

Thank you again.

Dr. Joe 04-10-2015 01:06 PM

I'm not sure, but could this be a language issue? I believe you said you were from China? If so, perhaps it would be best to share the book with someone else to see if it is, in fact, a problem with translating, not only the language, but the concepts as well.

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