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athens 08-09-2015 07:24 AM

searching for help,from China
 
Dear Sir,

this is Ms.Yu from China,
in the year of 2012, the doctor told me that I got Moderate Anxiety.
I'm beening reading yr book self-coatching from last year.
and it helps me too much.w/ it, I train myself to fight w/ANXIETY.

in Sep. 2014, I read Inspirational book as per yr guide in yr book,
on the 2nd day,when I got up, I feel myself reborned.
and it seems that I overcome the Conditioned reflex of thinking.
but on the 3rd day, it's back again, and all are same as before.

then I know that if I can have confidence, the Conditioned reflex of thinking can be overcome.
I always remind myself that believe myself and love the life.

this year, I always feel powerlessness and helpless.
I try to push myself to go outside to Supermarket or any public area, in the purpose to train myself and increase self-confidence.
but up to now, I still can't accept an invitation for a party from my schoolmate.
I think I'm still constrain,so I don't want her to know that I got ANXIETY.
anyway, I'm delaying this invitation and do my best to meet w/her in Sep.

the condition is that I'm afried to meet somebody. most time I feel debility,and speak in small sound.
this feeling is just there, no cause form something or some body.
but I always encourage myself to prevent negative.

now I'm trying to search yr advice how to overcome the ANXIETY for ever.
thank u very much.
and waiting for yr reply.

Dr. Joe 08-09-2015 02:35 PM

Social Anxiety
 
With social anxiety you are not simply dealing with other people's opinions, more importantly, you are dealing with your own negative projections of insecurity. If you think carefully about this, you will see that it's the rare instance that someone else actually "attacks" us. More likely it's our anticipation of someone doing something of a rejecting nature (also, keep in mind the value of self-fulfilling prophecy, i.e., when we act defensively, we change the dynamic of what "might have" taken place in a social exchange). The key is self acceptance. Social anxiety is not simply a behavioral habit, your brain (as with any habit) has become patterned (wired) according to this fear response You must interrupt this resistant habit and begin to "rewire" you and your brain. (This is why consistent effort over time is important; you must not be set back by setbacks!). This can only be accomplished by consistent, persistent efforts not to yield to insecurity-driven, faulty perceptions (i.e., fictions). It's a matter of digging your heels in and insisting on objective facts vs. insecurity driven fears of rejection, etc. A fear of rejection, for example, is a projection into the future (a future that does not exist), by fearing rejection you have just set yourself up for anxiety, you have projected a fiction, and you have reinforced the long standing habit of social rejection/fear. You must realize that because you anticipate getting anxious or being rejected doesn't mean this is "reality," it's merely your knee-jerk reflex of you yielding to the fog of insecurity. It's a habit and habits, all habits, can be broken. But, in order to break a habit, you have to at the very least have a grasp of what is rational and objective vs. what is irrational and fictional.
The key is to realize two things,

1.) A good deal of social insecurity/anxiety begins with projections of insecurity, the "what ifs." Whenever challenged with social doubts, fears or negatives, a conscious intention to be more "present" is just the ticket for breaking through anxious or depressive thinking, which, if left unchecked, will continue to erode your self-trust and confidence. For example, let's say you're beginning to get agitated about a social challenge that's going to take place in a couple of weeks. You catch yourself and realize that your anticipatory tendency is to "be" in the future with the "what-ifs" of this challenge. In this case, you bring yourself back into the present and begin to pay more complete attention to what's going on around you. If, for example, you're driving your car, drive with full awareness and attention. If you're sitting on a deck looking at the clouds, pay more attention, see the shapes, the different color gradations in the formations, etc., in other words, you become more external rather than internalómore connected to your real world (as opposed to the future world in you mind). Bottom line: although it's fine to try to live more in the moment, you don't have to become compulsive about this. Being more present will become, and feel, more natural as you practice. Just don't insist on becoming more Buddha-like with your efforts. This is an evolution not a revolution.

2.) It is important to both change destructive thinking while also transcending these thoughts. Insecurity-driven thinking typically becomes a long standing habit that requires a realignment of our reaction to these thoughts (i.e., separating facts from fictions, etc.). Once we begin to scrutinize these thoughts we become aware of options, we can, for example, willfully neutralize these thoughts (YES you can!!!) and then let them go (i.e., transcending Insecurity-driven thinking). There is never a valid reason to become victimized by doubts, fears or negatives. (This is where Self-Coaching's Self-Talk can help out.) Bottom line: you should always work to let go of congested, insecure thinking while becoming more reactive to life (i.e., letting life unfold naturally and spontaneously. You do this when you begin to live in the present without trying to protect yourself by anticipating chaos that may or may not occur. It's all about letting go of control. Controlling life is insecurity's excuse for why you go on and on ruminating and worrying. Controlling life according to insecurity's projections is never the answer and always the problem.

Take a look at the following videos:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zqt7IE6Dmg0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FyQoeRIQvhE

Yours,
Dr. Joe

Disclaimer: The diagnosis of clinical anxiety or depressive disorders requires a physician or other qualified mental health professional. The information provided is intended for informational purposes only. Please understand that the opinions shared with you are meant to be general reference information, and are not intended as a diagnosis or substitute for counseling with your physician or other qualified mental health professional.

Self-Coaching.net provides access to resources and other information as a public service. Although reasonable efforts have been made to ensure that all electronic information made available is current, complete and accurate, Joseph J. Luciani, Ph.D. (Dr. Joe) does not warrant or represent that this information is current, complete and accurate. All information is subject to change on a regular basis, without notice.
Joseph J. Luciani, Ph.D., assumes no responsibility for any errors in the information provided, nor assumes any liability for any damages incurred as a consequence, directly or indirectly, of the use and application of any of the contents of the Self-Coaching.net Website.

Any electronic information or inquiries that Self-Coaching.net receives from visitors shall not be considered as, or treated as, confidential. The inclusion of, or linking to, other Website URLs does not imply my endorsement of, nor responsibility for, those Websites, but has been done as a convenience to my website visitors.

athens 08-10-2015 02:01 AM

First I thank you for your guidance. Also give me Greater power
Looking back on these months, I have been able to focus most of my life and work.
But in the Chat and communication with people, There will be unsafe ideas
(Conditioned reflex)
Since June 2014, I began to self training according to the instructions on the book. I want to know, How much effort is needed?
How far ahead?

Dr. Joe 08-10-2015 02:00 PM

Unfortunately, it is not possible to know initially how much effort or time is required in order to reach one's goals. It is, however, important that you recognize that patience, persistence, and most importantly, practice, is required to ensure results. Habits are stubborn things, your attitude needs to be "whatever it takes!" Whatever the effort, you're worth it!

Yours,
Dr. Joe

athens 08-11-2015 01:18 AM

Thank you very much, your book saved my life. I think you'll get my good news soon. Thank you again.

Dr. Joe 08-11-2015 01:37 PM

You're most welcome. Please send along some good news soon! Also, if you're so inclined, you can help me spread the Self-Coaching word by writing an Amazon.com review. I would be most appreciative.

Yours,
Dr. Joe

athens 08-11-2015 02:26 PM

sure,
it's my pleasure to do so.
and already done.

Dr. Joe 08-12-2015 01:52 PM

Thank you!

athens 08-16-2015 02:20 PM

these days I feel much better.
and glad to go outside and meet others.
just don't want to stay at home.

yesterday, I attended one lesson for total 8 persons.
at beginning we introduced ourselves to each other,
I feel a little tension,but later more relex.

though it, I feel that destructive thinking is still there, but I persuade myself to let it go.
(these are all pictures)

Dr. Joe 08-17-2015 01:23 PM

Patience and practice...keep up the great work! Habits are indeed stubborn things.

athens 08-18-2015 12:59 AM

Your sentence is a great encouragement to me

athens 10-04-2015 01:26 AM

Dizziness phenomenon
 
Prof:
In practice, in slowly changing my thinking habits, will appear dizziness situation (not very serious), is a normal phenomenon?

Dr. Joe 10-04-2015 01:18 PM

I'm sorry, but I'm not sure what you mean?

athens 10-04-2015 03:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dr. Joe (Post 6362)
I'm sorry, but I'm not sure what you mean?


I mean that in the processing of changing my mind,
always feel a little dizzines.
is that normal?

Dr. Joe 10-05-2015 12:56 PM

Still a bit confused. Do you feel physically dizzy? Lightheaded? Or emotionally "dizzy," i.e., overwhelmed, stressed, etc.

athens 10-05-2015 01:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dr. Joe (Post 6364)
Still a bit confused. Do you feel physically dizzy? Lightheaded? Or emotionally "dizzy," i.e., overwhelmed, stressed, etc.


I will feel Dizzy, when fighting w/old thoughs or habitts.
but it's kind of slight level.
I think maybe it's emotionally dizzy.
is it normal or unusual.

Dr. Joe 10-06-2015 01:40 PM

From what you describe, this could be the anxiety connected with trying to change. Anxiety, stress, tension, can definitely affect the mind as well as the body. It would probably help you not to push yourself too hard, to be patient and to trust that your efforts are all worthwhile--even small efforts. It's cumulative. If you have any questions about your physical manifestations, by all means, you should discuss this with a mental health professional or physician.

Yours,
Dr. Joe



isclaimer: The diagnosis of clinical anxiety or depressive disorders requires a physician or other qualified mental health professional. The information provided is intended for informational purposes only. Please understand that the opinions shared with you are meant to be general reference information, and are not intended as a diagnosis or substitute for counseling with your physician or other qualified mental health professional.

Self-Coaching.net provides access to resources and other information as a public service. Although reasonable efforts have been made to ensure that all electronic information made available is current, complete and accurate, Joseph J. Luciani, Ph.D. (Dr. Joe) does not warrant or represent that this information is current, complete and accurate. All information is subject to change on a regular basis, without notice.
Joseph J. Luciani, Ph.D., assumes no responsibility for any errors in the information provided, nor assumes any liability for any damages incurred as a consequence, directly or indirectly, of the use and application of any of the contents of the Self-Coaching.net Website.

Any electronic information or inquiries that Self-Coaching.net receives from visitors shall not be considered as, or treated as, confidential. The inclusion of, or linking to, other Website URLs does not imply my endorsement of, nor responsibility for, those Websites, but has been done as a convenience to my website visitors.

athens 10-07-2015 12:45 PM

thanks, Dr.

athens 11-05-2015 12:35 PM

in the recently one month, I can control my feelings(doesn't feel unhappy or sad),but still tension & insecurity are same as before.
it's improving, but very very slow.

I wonder how long it will cost to recover.
for example,yr patient in same condition, they cost how much time to slove the problem?

Dr. Joe 11-05-2015 03:05 PM

Unfortunately, there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to progress. Everyone is different as are the circumstances that have led to their emotional struggle. It would be like asking how long does it take to be able to play a musical instrument...everyone is different. Focus on the progress and embrace the small changes along the way, this will motivate you. If you only focus on the end goal, you will wind up discouraging yourself.

athens 11-06-2015 01:37 AM

THANKS ..I WILL Efforts to refuel

athens 12-10-2015 03:07 AM

Professor
I feel like I have made progress.
Can listen to my own voice more than the child's voice.
What about Yoga?Is it a great help to me?

Dr. Joe 12-12-2015 01:45 PM

I think that yoga and meditation are quite helpful in learning to calm the mind. You should consider any meditative approach, simply to help you learn that you can let go of any thoughts that create emotional friction. Always keep in mind that habits are stubborn things. In a very real sense, you are retraining your brain with what I call habit re-formation. Stay determined to not embrace insecurity driven thinking (i.e., doubts, fears, negatives).

Yours,
Dr. Joe


Disclaimer: The diagnosis of clinical anxiety or depressive disorders requires a physician or other qualified mental health professional. The information provided is intended for informational purposes only. Please understand that the opinions shared with you are meant to be general reference information, and are not intended as a diagnosis or substitute for counseling with your physician or other qualified mental health professional.

Self-Coaching.net provides access to resources and other information as a public service. Although reasonable efforts have been made to ensure that all electronic information made available is current, complete and accurate, Joseph J. Luciani, Ph.D. (Dr. Joe) does not warrant or represent that this information is current, complete and accurate. All information is subject to change on a regular basis, without notice.
Joseph J. Luciani, Ph.D., assumes no responsibility for any errors in the information provided, nor assumes any liability for any damages incurred as a consequence, directly or indirectly, of the use and application of any of the contents of the Self-Coaching.net Website.

Any electronic information or inquiries that Self-Coaching.net receives from visitors shall not be considered as, or treated as, confidential. The inclusion of, or linking to, other Website URLs does not imply my endorsement of, nor responsibility for, those Websites, but has been done as a convenience to my website visitors.

athens 03-16-2016 02:21 PM

updated
 
now my conditon is: will be nervous when relate w/other people, and don't want to meet people who I well known.
sometimes will be nervous w/o reason.In the most bad condition, my hands feels very cold because of the nervous.

as mentioned above, what's yr advice, dr. do I need to take some medician?

anyhow, during this half year, I also got some improve.

Dr. Joe 03-17-2016 02:04 PM

Disclaimer: The diagnosis of clinical anxiety or depressive disorders requires a physician or other qualified mental health professional. The information provided is intended for informational purposes only. Please understand that the opinions shared with you are meant to be general reference information, and are not intended as a diagnosis or substitute for counseling with your physician or other qualified mental health professional.
With social anxiety you're dealing with your own negative projections of insecurity. Typically, social anxiety has to do with insecurity's anticipation of being embarrassed. Because of the erosion self-confidence and lack of self-trust, you put yourself in a position of what we call self-fulfilling prophecy, i.e., you expect to be anxious, nervous, flushed, etc., and this anticipation causes you to have difficult, embarrassing social experiences. The goal is self acceptance, however as long as insecurity dominates causing a lack of self-trust, then you will continue to struggle.
Social anxiety is not simply a behavioral habit, your brain (as with any habit) has become patterned (wired) according to this fear response. You must interrupt this resistant habit and begin to "rewire" you and your brain. We call this neuroplasticity. This can only be accomplished by consistent, persistent effort over time. It's a matter of learning to live more spontaneously, i.e., to "risk" trusting that you can learn to simply react to what takes place in any given social situation rather than to have to rehearse or anticipate what might happen. Try to find situations where you feel relatively relaxed and safe, perhaps with a family member or close friend. Observe your interactions in these situations. Notice how you just "react." We call that stimulus-response, i.e., someone says something (stimulus) and you simply respond. There's no self-monitoring (i.e., "How am I doing? Am I anxious?), you simply just respond spontaneously without regard to your performance. This is the ultimate goal in all social situations, i.e, the ability to react spontaneously without self scrutiny.

A good deal of social insecurity/anxiety begins with projections of insecurity, the "what ifs." Bottom line: you should always work to let go of congested, insecure thinking while becoming more reactive to life i.e., letting life unfold naturally and spontaneously. You do this when you begin to live in the present without trying to protect yourself by anticipating chaos that may or may not occur. It's all about letting go of control. Controlling life is insecurity's excuse for why you go on and on worrying and anticipating. Controlling life according to insecurity's projections is never the answer and always the problem.

Yours,
Dr. Joe


Self-Coaching.net provides access to resources and other information as a public service. Although reasonable efforts have been made to ensure that all electronic information made available is current, complete and accurate, Joseph J. Luciani, Ph.D. (Dr. Joe) does not warrant or represent that this information is current, complete and accurate. All information is subject to change on a regular basis, without notice.
Joseph J. Luciani, Ph.D., assumes no responsibility for any errors in the information provided, nor assumes any liability for any damages incurred as a consequence, directly or indirectly, of the use and application of any of the contents of the Self-Coaching.net Website.

Any electronic information or inquiries that Self-Coaching.net receives from visitors shall not be considered as, or treated as, confidential. The inclusion of, or linking to, other Website URLs does not imply my endorsement of, nor responsibility for, those Websites, but has been done as a convenience to my website visitors.

athens 03-18-2016 01:08 AM

To hope in front
 
Last week I joined a mental illness are network group. Some patients take medicine, recover quickly, some people are still struggling with. Rehabilitation of people I admire. At the same time also sympathize with struggling people, so I recommend they read your book. They have second days to buy your book. I hope to help them.

Dr. Joe 03-19-2016 01:27 PM

Thank you for your support of Self-Coaching. I do wish you well.

Yours,
Dr. Joe

athens 10-04-2016 01:10 PM

Dear Dr. in these 3 weeks, I'm always fell a little nervous when going outside.
although sheeping is well, but still feel vervous when in society, and talk very less.
also can't focus on work some times.
in this condition, do I need to take some Medication?

meanwhile, I already kept in doing yuga 5 times one week for 7 months.

Dr. Joe 10-05-2016 04:46 PM

With social anxiety you're dealing with your own negative anticipations perpetrated by insecurity. Typically, social anxiety has to do with insecurity's anticipation of being embarrassed. Because of the erosion self-confidence and lack of self-trust, you put yourself in a position of what we call self-fulfilling prophecy, i.e., you expect to be anxious, nervous, flushed, etc., and this anticipation causes you to have difficult, embarrassing social experiences. The goal is self acceptance, however as long as insecurity dominates, causing a lack of self-trust, then you will continue to struggle.

Social anxiety, as with any habit, eventually reshapes the brain. You can, through consistent, persistent effort over time actually "rewire" your brain. We call this neuroplasticity, the brain's ability to repattern itself. With anxiety, and social anxiety in particular, it's a matter of learning to live more "reactively." Rather than having to rehearse or anticipate what might happen, you must learn to "risk" being more spontaneously reactive (rather than neurotically proactive with worry and anticipation). Try to find situations where you feel relatively relaxed and safe, perhaps with a family member or close friend. Observe your interactions in these situations. Notice how (when you're relaxed) you just "react." We call that stimulus-response, i.e., someone says something (stimulus) and you simply respond. There's no self-monitoring (i.e., "How am I doing? Am I anxious?), you simply just respond spontaneously without regard to your performance. This is the ultimate goal in all social situations, i.e, the ability to react spontaneously without self scrutiny.

A good deal of social insecurity/anxiety begins with projections of insecurity, the "what ifs." Bottom line: you should always work to let go of congested, insecure thinking while becoming more reactive to life i.e., letting life unfold naturally and spontaneously. You do this when you begin to live in the present without trying to protect yourself by anticipating chaos that may or may not occur. It's all about letting go of control. Controlling life is insecurity's excuse for why you go on and on worrying and anticipating. Controlling life according to insecurity's projections is never the answer and always the problem.

Yours,
Dr. Joe

Disclaimer: The diagnosis of clinical anxiety or depressive disorders requires a physician or other qualified mental health professional. The information provided is intended for informational purposes only. Please understand that the opinions shared with you are meant to be general reference information, and are not intended as a diagnosis or substitute for counseling with your physician or other qualified mental health professional.

Self-Coaching.net provides access to resources and other information as a public service. Although reasonable efforts have been made to ensure that all electronic information made available is current, complete and accurate, Joseph J. Luciani, Ph.D. (Dr. Joe) does not warrant or represent that this information is current, complete and accurate. All information is subject to change on a regular basis, without notice.
Joseph J. Luciani, Ph.D., assumes no responsibility for any errors in the information provided, nor assumes any liability for any damages incurred as a consequence, directly or indirectly, of the use and application of any of the contents of the Self-Coaching.net Website.

Any electronic information or inquiries that Self-Coaching.net receives from visitors shall not be considered as, or treated as, confidential. The inclusion of, or linking to, other Website URLs does not imply my endorsement of, nor responsibility for, those Websites, but has been done as a convenience to my website visitors.


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