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todayoklw 10-31-2014 01:12 PM

Can't understand about 50% to 70% of the content in The Power Of Self-coaching
Hello, Dr. Joe,

I can't understand about 50% to 70% of the content in The Power Of Self-coaching (the book is good, it's my problem), what should I do? I've been trying to feel the content of this book in my daily life, though I'm becoming better and better, but the things get slow, I have too many problems , I really want to be a complete person.

Thank you!

Dr. Joe 10-31-2014 02:49 PM

It would help if you could hightlight more specifically where you're confused. Keep us posted.

todayoklw 11-01-2014 12:19 PM

About Happiness and Unleashing
Thanks for your reply! Here is one of my questions:

Question 1: About Happiness and Unleashing

Below are the contents from The Power Of Self-coaching:
1) let me introduce you to the only highway that really matters in life: the pursuit of happiness. (L27 to L28, P31, The Power Of Self-coaching)
2) if you're willing to trade control for spontaneity. The good news is that happiness is a natural, spontaneous human potential. All you need do is remove what's blocking it. Once you stop congesting your life with insecurity and control, a spontaneous and natural life-energy will introduce itself. (L30 to L34, P31, The Power Of Self-coaching)
3) Insecurity is like a leash that tethers you to a limited experience of life. Self-coaching is your method of unleashing and allowing happiness to spring forward. As with Coby, once you remove the leash of insecure thinking, everything else happens very naturally. Coby didn't have to be taught how to be exuberant.(L1 to L5, P33, The Power Of Self-coaching).

Below is my question:
Here is my result from the contents above: When I want to do something (want to do it from my heart but not based on the insecurity, but for me, to find what I really want is really hard at present.) -> Usually I will suppress myself (think too much, feel guilty, can't make decision, hesitate, etc.) because of the insecurity and control -> Then I can apply 2nd step of The Five Steps Of Self-Talk here (I don't know why I needn't 1st step, when do I need to apply 1st step?), use separating fact from fiction to know whether the worry is the fact -> If the worry is based on fiction, I will just do it (do what I want to do which I mentioned above) and let the worry go. Is this result right or wrong? Though I can understand the contents from the book above, but I don't know how to apply them, so I ask this question.

Thank you!

Dr. Joe 11-01-2014 01:02 PM

I'm sorry, but I still find it hard to understand your problem. Perhaps this will help.
Step One is a general awareness of what's going on, especially when you're feeling out of control or struggling. This is something you can do whenever you're feeling emotionally stressed, anxious, depressed. The more you understand how you react to feeling out of control (insecure, vulnerable, etc.) the more empowered you become.
Step Two, separating facts from fictions, is really the first active step. When you find yourself struggling, you take a second to as whether what's going through your mind are factual or fictitious? Remember feelings aren't facts. This step is an attempt to get you to realize if you're dealing with fictions (doubts, fears, negatives) you have a choice. Since, for example, worry thoughts are not facts (they are predictions of future chaos), then why not choose to let go of these thoughts (steps 3 and 4)
Step Three. After recognizing that you are dealing with emotional fictions (doubts, fears, negatives), it's time to dig your heels in and tell yourself, "Stop it! Drop it!" This is an active step and you need to get used interrupting the flow of doubts, fears and negative thinking.
Step Four is the goal, letting go. Once you've convinced yourself that you have a choice not to be caught up in negative, destructive, knee-jerk thinking and once you emphatically decided to put a stop to this line of thinking, it's time to let go. Using some of the techniques, you need to practice, for example, 'changing channels.' Distractions can help, but ultimately you're demonstrating that you are in charge of your thoughts, not the other way around. You really can choose to, for example, stop worrying, etc.
Step Five, motivation. By feeling more empowered and less victimized by your emotions, you begin to feel more hopeful and optimistic. Optimism is psychological energy and it's what fuels motivation to go on fighting the good fight.
I hope this helps,
Dr. Joe
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todayoklw 11-02-2014 09:17 PM

Still About Happiness and Unleashing
Well, everytime I posted a question and got your reply (no matter whether it helped or not), it helps indeed, as these replies make my mind clear, so I can express what I think better. Here is my question: I don't know how to unleash and how to pursue happiness, now I know happiness is a natural, spontaneous human potential, but if I had done want I want to do: A) Having bought what I want (I have a habit to suppress myself and won't embarrass my parents, as my grandma tells me to be a good kid), chosen beautiful clothes, beautiful hairstyle and beautiful home (my parents didn't supply me a comfortable home to grow up in, although now I think every child deserve one, but I suppressed myself, and this suppression drove me crazy and I think it's one of the causes of my mental problems), which are all the natural tendency of girl, but not studying hard and reading many books (I had no interests in studying and reading at that time); B) Having chosen the college majors I like after graduating from high school but not choosing a popular one which is supposed to has a prospects; etc. This is what I've been wanting to ask, are the choices I made in the past completely wrong? how can I know the difference between unruly behavior and acceptable behavior? I really want to be free, I'm just not sure if I had made diffrent choices in the past, did that mean I was pursuing happiness and unleashing? I can't follow my heart to live, how can I know whether what I want to do are acceptable choices or control?

Thank you so much for your patience!

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