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Old 11-26-2015, 01:51 PM
Dr. Joe Dr. Joe is offline
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With obsessions or compulsions (i.e., closing windows ten times), recognize that your insecurity and self-doubt is victimizing you. Insecurity and self-doubt are your enemies and you must steel yourself to risk not being manipulated by these obsessions/compulsions. It's like standing up to a bully, if you keep running away, the bully owns you. You need to stand your ground and so, "No!" I'm not running away (I'm not checking the windows again, I'm going to stand my ground and "risk" trusting that I did, in fact, close the windows correctly the first time). Your anticipation that something terrible is going to happen if you don't comply is your bully trying to control you...at some point you have to risk the terrible thing (which, of course, is merely a fantasy) and find out that nothing bad will actually happen. Often obsessions and compulsions are attempts to control fate (i.e., an insecure person will want to be safe and trying to control life--repeating an act over and over--makes them feel they are doing what's necessary to avoid bad things from happening.) At some point you will need to decide (I guess this is your phase 2 suggestion) that you're going to risk trusting yourself to allow life to unfold without trying to control it. You will only be able to achieve this is you're will to risk bad things happening. This is a difficult concept to explain easily. You see, if you're always running from the "bully" then you'll never feel safe. Only when you insist on not giving in to your obsessions/compulsions will you finally stop your fleeing. When I was young, I felt there was a dreadful man living in my attic, called Clarence. I was afraid to go up to the attic. Finally, one day, I decided that enough was enough...I went up to the attic and found that there was no Clarence. You too must go to your attic (insecurity) and realize there is nothing there that is actually threatening you!

Yours,
Dr. Joe

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