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Old 07-05-2014, 06:12 PM
todayoklw todayoklw is offline
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Default About these concepts (Self-doubt, Control...)

Dear Dr. Joe,

I can learn the meanings of the concepts below from dictionary, but I can't feel them, I don't know what exactly they are.
- Self-doubt (Self-coaching: The Five Essential Steps To Creating The Life You Want, vii, L18), when I do something and get a question in my head, I don't know whether I'm in self-doubt.
- Natural and spontaneous center (Self-coaching, viii, L6), how does a natural, spontaneous life feel like?
- Control (Self-coaching, viii, L9), probably I know what exactly it is, but sometimes I'm not so sure.
- Can-do (Self-coaching, viii, L24), what does Can-do refer to?
- An innate capacity for genuine happiness (Self-coaching, viii, L33), I do know how to make myself happy, but how can I know whether it's right or wrong to do these things? For example, I want to buy something, I want it from my heart and it makes me feel happy, should I give it up and save the money for better use such as for my future business. I always do things are good for my future, but don't do things that I want to do and like to do, now I think this is controlling life, am I right? How to apply the five steps of self-coaching to this problem?
- ineffectiveness (Self-coaching, ix, L5), what does this concept refer to?
- Lack of success (Self-coaching, ix, L5), is that mean if I have mental health then I can have success and why? Or is that mean when I have mental health I can choose the right goals of life and I will be a happy person, happy is success?

Thank you so much!
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Old 07-06-2014, 03:02 PM
Dr. Joe Dr. Joe is offline
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Please see my responses to your questions in caps below:


- Self-doubt (Self-coaching: The Five Essential Steps To Creating The Life You Want, vii, L18), when I do something and get a question in my head, I don't know whether I'm in self-doubt. SELF DOUBT IS TYPICALLY ASSOCIATED WITH A LOSS OF CONTROL (I.E., INSECURITY) AND USUALLY EXPERIENCED WITH SOME DEGREE OF DISCOMFORT. A QUESTION IS TYPICALLY A NEUTRAL INQUIRY, NOT NECESSARLY EVOKING DISCOMFORT. HOWEVER, IN BOTH CASES, THERE MAY BE A NEED FOR SOME FORM OF INTROSPECTIVE, INTUITIVE JUDGMENT.

- Natural and spontaneous center (Self-coaching, viii, L6), how does a natural, spontaneous life feel like? A NATURAL SPONTANEOUS LIFE IS A LIFE WITHOUT DOUBTS, FEARS, OR NEGATIVES. OF COURSE THIS IS A RELATIVE TERM AS THERE ARE CIRCUMSTANTIAL STRESSES THAT COME INTO OUR LIVES ALL THE TIME, HOWEVER WHEN THERE IS SUFFICIENT SELF-TRUST AND SECURITY, THE GENERAL STEADY-STATE IS ONE WITHOUT EMOTIONAL FRICTION.

- Control (Self-coaching, viii, L9), probably I know what exactly it is, but sometimes I'm not so sure. USE THE TIP OFF WORDS/FEELINGS, I.E., DOUBTS, FEARS AND NEGATIVES TO HELP YOU DISCERN WHEN YOU ARE ENGAGING IN "BAD" CONTROL. FOR EXAMPLE, BAD CONTROL IS WHEN WE PERCEIVE DANGER IN SAFE PLACES. GOOD CONTROL, IN CONTRAST, IS WHEN WE ARE TRYING TO ESTABLISH LEGITIMATE CONTROL OVER OBJECTIVE DANGERS/CHALLENGES

- Can-do (Self-coaching, viii, L24), what does Can-do refer to? "CAN-DO" REFERS TO AN ATTITUDE/BELIEF THAT ONE CAN HANDLE SOME ASPECT OF LIFE, I.E., "I CAN DO THAT!" THIS IS SYNOMYOUS WITH AN OPTIMISTIC ATTITUDE.

- An innate capacity for genuine happiness (Self-coaching, viii, L33), I do know how to make myself happy, but how can I know whether it's right or wrong to do these things? For example, I want to buy something, I want it from my heart and it makes me feel happy, should I give it up and save the money for better use such as for my future business. I always do things are good for my future, but don't do things that I want to do and like to do, now I think this is controlling life, am I right? How to apply the five steps of self-coaching to this problem? YOU ARE PROBABLY CORRECT ON BOTH COUNTS, I.E., YOU HEART WANTS (AND THIS WOULD MAKE YOU HAPPY) BUT YOUR REALITY BASED THINKING SAYS YOU SHOULD SAVE. BOTH MAY BE TRUE AND A JUDGMENT NEEDS TO BE MADE. THE ONLY THING TO GUARD AGAINST IS A COMPULSIVE NEED TO CONTROL BY RESTRICTING YOUR ATTEMPTS AT POSITIVE SELF-GRATIFICATION

- ineffectiveness (Self-coaching, ix, L5), what does this concept refer to? A LIFE CONTAMINATED WITH INSECURITY-DRIVEN THINKING IS LESS EFFECTIVE THAN A LIFE FREE OF THIS CONTAMINATION

- Lack of success (Self-coaching, ix, L5), is that mean if I have mental health then I can have success and why? Or is that mean when I have mental health I can choose the right goals of life and I will be a happy person, happy is success? SUCCESS IS ASSOCIATED WITH A LIFE NOT DRIVEN BY INSECURITY. INSECURITY ESPECIALLY WHEN CONTAMINATED WITH ANXIETY OR DEPRESSION, LIMITS YOUR EFFECTIVENESS AND POTENTIAL.
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