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Old 09-18-2004, 02:46 PM
djo djo is offline
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Default Social Anxiety Disorder or Shyness!

I've been the quiet type since I was a kid. And I don't remember once that people didn't recognize my quietness or shyness. I was always comfortable around people that I know. But when I am among strangers, I am as quiet as a mute. I gotta tell ya, I've got lots of stuffs going through my mind. I thought that I was just shy. But recently, I learned about social anxiety disorder, and I discover that it is what I am suffering.

I am not saying that my life is miserable right now, but this social anxiety disorder thing is driving nuts. Honestly, I barely date a girl. I can't really pull up the guts to approach a girl and take her out. Even though she approaches I am not really saying things that can seduce her and take her out and do other things with her.

I am really tired of this. I am a really decent good looking guy, yet I have no confidence whatsoever. I just wanna be able to be in a room, and have the comfortableness to talk to anyone.

Once I am around strangers, I start to have these kinds of feelings or ideas, which I can't stop or I might say that I don't know how to. Most people don't understand what you're going through, and they just assume that you're pretending to be somebody else or they call you all sorts of names. I think that i'll feel really good if I can speak loudly and clearly in a room so that everyone can hear my voice. I speak with such a low voice that people barely hear what I am saying.

I haven't tried any theraphy or books whatsoever. I just surf on the net all the time, and I haven't really found any help yet. I have learned that I have to face my fears or do something that I have never thought of doing. This is not a problem. But the problem is to find the courage or the guts to do it.

I hope that I can have advice from anybody. I think that it will help a lot. It's really good to be here.
As everybody knows, life is too short to not be able to enjoy it and do the things that we really want. I think seeking help for our problems, and finding tips to overcome them can make our life become easier. We have to do the things we want the most, not the other way around.
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Old 09-23-2004, 08:04 AM
jgardener jgardener is offline
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Default Social Anxiety Disorder or Shyness!

Hi, djo --

I certainly understand that excessively quiet demeanor with strangers that you describe, because I used to be that way myself. I wanted to be charming and fun to be with, but I always ended up not talking and feeling very much on the outside. But notice I said "used to be" that way, so I have a few suggestions for you. Self-Coaching really helped me, so my first suggestion is that you read Dr Joe's new book, The Power of Self-Coaching.

The next suggestion is this: Even if technically you might be considered to have Social Anxiety Disorder, I think you give it too much importance if you want to name it. I think you should concentrate on changing it instead of identifying what's wrong. I found that telling yourself you're anxious or depressed, or whatever you might call it, makes it bigger -- so that you and the "condition" become one person. But that isn't valid; only _you_ are the person, and how you act is totally in your power to change.

So here's a suggestion that's related to some of the things you'll read about in the book, but you can do it in the meantime. It worked for me, and if I could do it, I'm sure you can! Think of a person who's the way you'd like to be. It can be a celebrity you've seen, or someone you know, or -- and this is the way I practiced it -- just think about the kind of person you would like to be. Ask yourself what you think that person would do in a particular situation, how he'd say hello to somebody, whether he'd smile a lot, what he might do when he walked into a room with a lot of people he didn't know, things he'd do and say if he were on a date, etc. It's a kind of play-acting, I guess, but it will help, because you're not telling yourself that _you_ have to be that way (yet), you're just thinking about someone you admire or would like to be. If you concentrate on what that person would do instead of what you think you can't do, it takes the pressure off -- you're an observer of this person you'd like to be.

When you've thought about some of the things he'd do, you can do the same things because they'll feel familiar to you. Try it; it's worth taking the little risk of doing something different from what you usually do. And if it feels strange at first, try again.

There's a whole lot more to Self-Coaching and Self Talk than this, but this might feel good to you for a start. And read the book!

I'm sure you and I aren't the only people who have gone through this. Maybe some of the other readers of this website will tell us their own experiences. For now, I hope this has helped you, and I hope you'll let us readers know how you're doing. Good luck!

jaye gardener
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Old 07-23-2005, 08:16 AM
Submission Submission is offline
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I`ve had Social Anxiety since I was about 8yrs old,I suggest doing something about yours now,since it sounds like its just beginning.I wish to God I did something for mine sooner,but now its totally out of control.Mine has gotten so bad that I can hardly leave my house now.Hell I can hardly leave my bedroom,I`m afraid that I may have waited too long and now there`s no hope,but I`m still lookin for some way to defeat it.

Lots of Luck to you

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