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Old 04-16-2014, 04:37 PM
justclaire justclaire is offline
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Wow my inner controlling child really is evident. I have a long distance relationship with a man i love to the best of my ability. I recognise the limits control is putting on my relationship....not just romantic. I have ordered your book about relationships and look forward to shedding old habits. However today is about fear.....the fear I have every time I have to say good bye and head back to England. I am hopeful that self coaching will help me to become more secure when I leave him. At present every time I leave it brings up anxieties. I become a slave to these and find myself looking for reassurance and guaruntees.......its not how an adult should be. Am hopeful I will stop questioning whether the relationship is right and whether 500 miles is too far....bla bla bla...boring blaaaa.
I want MY life and I want it now.
OOOh am giving myself a wee pep talk.
c
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Old 04-17-2014, 12:39 AM
Dr. Joe Dr. Joe is offline
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Don't know if you saw my blog from the other day. Risking trust is what will set you free:


Four Words That Can Change Your Life
On April 12, 2014
There are four words that can change your life. These four words happen to come from my friends at Alcoholics Anonymous who have many clever and engaging catchphrases such as "One Day at a Time" and "KISS--keep It Simple, Stupid." But in my estimation, none is more powerful than "Let Go, Let God." I'd like to offer you a somewhat secularized version of this profound piece of wisdom. Specifically this means to let go of the insecurity-driven thinking that's ruining and ruling your life and let god (or your instincts, intuition, or as the Swiss psychiatrist C.G. Jung referred to this part of the psyche, the "Self" with a capital "S").

In order to extricate yourself from congested, insecurity thinking, you need to embrace Let Go, let God as your mantra. The opposite, not letting go, is insisting on controlling life in an insecurity-driven, proactive way (i.e., worrying, ruminating, anticipating, etc.). Trying to over control life is choosing a life of struggle, anxiety or depression. But by handing yourself over to that in you which goes beyond the congested ego, you are allowing yourself to truly be reactive, spontaneous, and liberated.

Next time you find yourself spinning with ruminative worry, rather than trying to brace yourself for some future event (a conference with the boss, a root canal, etc.) try to Let Go, Let God, allowing your life to unfold in the present. With a willingness to risk a bit of self-trust, you'll find that you will handle life effectively, efficiently, and spontaneously. After all, you've handled thousands of challenges in the past, what makes you think you won't handle this one? You're a survival machine, you'll do fine if you just trust that you really can handle life...without neurotically anticipating it.
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Old 04-17-2014, 01:18 PM
justclaire justclaire is offline
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Thank you.
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Old 04-18-2014, 05:42 PM
justclaire justclaire is offline
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I had a wee victory yesterday....there is a pun there that will become obvious. It was an hour before I was due to start the long journey home from Scotland when i realised i really didnt feel well. I assumed it was anxiety but decided i should get to the local docs for a urine sample to be done. It turned out i have a urine infection that needed to be treated with anti biotics. Two years ago i had made the 500 mile journey with the exact same problem and had been seriously ill after. So although i feel unwell i trusted my instincts which is a first :-) a wee victory.lol i also get to spend a few more days with my fella:$
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Old 04-20-2014, 12:32 PM
Dr. Joe Dr. Joe is offline
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As you're finding out, it all begins--one thought at a time. Self-trust is the end game of suffering.
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Old 04-23-2014, 01:22 PM
justclaire justclaire is offline
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Hi
I did it....have been away and driven back :-)
One question....how is it that i know what i need to end my suffering is within me but it doesn't just stop the anxiety? Is it because it is a learned behaviour like conditioning? I just want to truely know i can stop the anxiety....to win and eventually be pretty much drug free(anti deps).
Life is tough but i eant to stop waiting for it to be good and make it good:-)
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Old 04-23-2014, 03:13 PM
Dr. Joe Dr. Joe is offline
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The habit of insecurity is the problem. In order to break old habits and reintroduce more rational thinking, there's only one way: patience and consistency over time. Habits are stubborn and require a thought-by-thought effort to overcome. I'm reading a very interesting book, Life Unlocked by Srinivansan Pillay, M.D., it talks about retraining the brain, quite interesting.
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Old 04-25-2014, 08:00 PM
justclaire justclaire is offline
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Is it about neuroplasticity..actually i just looked and yes it is. I am winning now so i'll stick with your books and my cbt therapist :-)
C
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Old 04-28-2014, 06:45 AM
justclaire justclaire is offline
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Morning
I am improving and learning a great deal about myself. Im fast approaching my plateau....the place which resembles a platform over water whete i dangle my legs over the edge in the water
In the water are the anxiety sharks. Ive reached my emotional level where im not anxious and if anything ive become numb and feel life is just a trudge. Ive been in this place many many times....however this time im gonna push through and see what is on the otherside......feels alien but im sure i can break this habit
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