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Old 02-25-2005, 04:08 AM
stacey stacey is offline
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I am starting a new job in about 2 weeks. I was laid off my old job partly because I felt like I could not do the work and I made the mistake of telling my boss about it making me an easy person to pick when the layoffs started. I have a history of starting jobs and over time realizing I "can't handle it." Either someone I work with tells me I am not cut out for it or I feel I can't handle the stress. It seems that I can't handle much stress these days. People once they get to know me always seem to avoid me like they know there is something wrong with me and I always seem to be left out of the loop like at work, etc. I am a respiratory therapist and have only been doing the job for 2 yrs. so I'm still pretty green as far as being new. My new boss knows my lack of experience but has decided to teach me on my new job. I'm so worried that the same ole thing is going to happen where I get nervous in stressfull situations and people will figure out my incompetence over time and I will be told the same ole thing that I can't handle stress and I'm not cut out for the job. Other people tell me I have a self confidence problem and that I'm smart it's just that I don't give myself enough credit for it. I'm so afraid that I'm going to ruin this new job with my same ole negative attitude that the same scenario will be repeated over again. I don't want to do that. It is a good paying job and I want to keep my position if I can. HELP ME!!!
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Old 02-25-2005, 01:55 PM
Dr. Joe Dr. Joe is offline
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Your words are so revealing: ìI'm so afraid that I'm going to ruin this new job with my same ole negative attitude that the same scenario will be repeated over again.î Please understand that your life is being ruled by reflexive, insecurity-driven thinking. The most important thing I can tell you is that your perceptions are based, not on facts (with the possible exception that you are still ìgreenî as you say, but thatís not a factual reason for lack of confidence), but on the distortions of nothing more than insecurity-driven habits. It helps to think of anxiety, and the stressful thoughts that surround it, as forms of suggestion--auto-suggestion. Your insecurity will implant an idea or notion in your mind and then, like a hypnotized subject, you allow this belief to rule you.

Whenever you allow insecurity to ìsuggestî that you, for example, are ìnot capable,î then you set in motion what we call a self-fulfilling prophecy. You actually are hypnotizing yourself into becoming less confident. Youíre allowing insecurity to EXPECT failure! Sure, this may be a habit laid down years ago, but now itís nothing more than a habit that you feed and nourish with your thoughts of negativity, doubt, and fear. The solution is simple; you must learn to extricate yourself from this habit of insecurity. To stop feeding it! You must learn to live the truth of your lifeónot the fiction! Please take a look at my video in the Whatís New section on the Home Page of this website. Iíd like you to hear about my five-step program that can teach you to separate fact from fiction and begin to liberate yourself from the needless habits that are ruining and ruling your life. I strongly suggest that you consider getting a copy of my new book, The Power of Self-Coaching. This is a problem discussed throughout the book.

Disclaimer: The diagnosis of clinical anxiety or depressive disorders requires a physician or other qualified mental health professional. The information provided is intended for informational purposes only. Please understand that the opinions shared with you are meant to be general reference information, and are not intended as a diagnosis or substitute for consulting with your physician or other qualified mental health professional.


Best in Health,
Dr. Joe
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Old 02-27-2005, 04:37 AM
stacey stacey is offline
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Why is it that negative thinking can cause other people to view you negatively too? Is it just another bad perception or do other people tend to see you as you see yourself?
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Old 02-27-2005, 01:57 PM
Dr. Joe Dr. Joe is offline
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Stacey--
Negative thinking changes you in many ways. It may inhibit your capacity for expression, for non-defensive interacting, in general, for how you present yourself. If I feel that I'm a failure, than everything I do will (consciously or unconsciously) begin to reflect this belief. Others begin to pick up these cues and wonder, "Why does she always put herself down? Guess she can't handle the work." Self-fulfilling prophecy is more than something that happens inside you, it affects and infects the perceptions of others. The answer isn't trying to pretend, it's to change the insecurity and this is something that can be Self-Coached.

Disclaimer: The diagnosis of clinical anxiety or depressive disorders requires a physician or other qualified mental health professional. The information provided is intended for informational purposes only. Please understand that the opinions shared with you are meant to be general reference information, and are not intended as a diagnosis or substitute for consulting with your physician or other qualified mental health professional.


Yours,
Dr. Joe
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