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Old 10-15-2013, 09:42 AM
annab annab is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 2
Unhappy How to overcome fear

Dear Dr. Joe,

I don't live my life to the full. I seem to be in constant withdrawal from life (reading a lot and making projects in my head). As a result, I am unable to use opportunities in my life to the full despite the fact that I am in a great position to act and accomplish a lot. I want to make the most of the privileged circumstances I am currently in, but so far I've just let life slip by because of paralysis. How to bust fear? How to become a doer instead of a dreamer? Does this problem stem solely from my inability to trust myself (~proverbial insecurity) as you write in your book on Self-Coaching (I enjoyed it a lot but, after the initial insight, I let my habitual mindset creep in again). I do want to change my life, but the resistance to be open to life/change and act is a major roadblock. Do you think one-on-one coaching sessions might help?

Thank you in advance for your time and insight.

Kinds regards,
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Old 10-15-2013, 10:07 PM
Dr. Joe Dr. Joe is offline
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 2,015

Although one-on-one coaching has the advantage of adding objectivity to your struggle, there's still a lot that you can do to tackle this problem. You need to keep in mind that your resistance to maximizing your life is, as you say, rooted in insecurity. Awareness is key to chipping away at your "hesitations." It's important to be able to assess the thoughts connected to your fears. With some awareness you can begin to ferret out what you're doing that feeds this "paralysis," which as you know from my book, is a habit. Before you're going to feel encouraged to fight-the-good-fight, you're going to have to take a pragmatic approach to changing your thoughts (i.e., the doubts, fears, and negatives), one at a time. Starting today, don't concede to half a life. In order to open up to life, you're going to have to become less risk-adverse. And in order to do that you are going to have to risk trust. Please re-read the Self-Talk sections on Reactive Living. Let go, let god, is a wonderful adage...let go of overthinking, ruminating, and habitual resistance, and start letting life unfold. It takes patience and practice and a chipping away at the insecurity-driven thoughts that fuel this paralysis.
I wish you well,
Dr. Joe

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Old 10-18-2013, 04:38 PM
annab annab is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 2
Default How to overcome fear

Dr. Joe, thank you for your prompt response. I'll go back to the Self-Talk section and re-read the part on Reactive Living. I hope the internalized insight from your book can help me kick my old habits in the teeth, so to speak, and I can build a new life step by step. I give myself time to take one major action that would set me out in the new direction by 1 November. I'll keep you posted.

Kind regards,
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