Self-Coaching Articles
Understanding the source of emotional struggle
I was asked recently if it’s best to learn to yield to anxiety as some therapeutic strategies suggest. I do not agree that this is the answer to either anxiety or depression. Although, when trying to extricate oneself from the grips of ruminative, anxious thinking, sometimes, using a technique I call, “active denial,” can offer […]
The ABC Technique For Breaking the Anxiety Habit
My grandmother used to say: You can’t stop a bird from flying into your hair, but you don’t have to help it build a nest. If you’re prone to anxious, worrisome thinking, you may not be able to stop that first worry-thought from popping into your head, but you sure can stop the second thought, […]
How to Survive a Panic Attack
A rip current is a powerful current of water that flows away from shore. An unsuspecting swimmer basking in the luxuriating surf one moment may be unexpectedly drawn out to sea the next. In the ocean, rip currents can be killers, accounting for over 80% of rescues performed by lifeguards. It helps to think of […]
What Exactly Is Anxiety?
Anxiety, whether mild or severe, affects your thoughts, emotions, and physiology with symptoms such as ruminative worry, muscular tension, headaches, insomnia, poor concentration, fatigue, rapid heartbeat, palpitations, diarrhea, constipation, and so on. From a Self-Coaching perspective the one thing all expressions of anxiety have in common is a feeling that you or your life is […]
Is Anxiety Inherited?
There’s no argument that humans are born with genetic tendencies (predispositions) toward certain physical as well as psychological traits. You can have a predisposition toward alcohol, obesity, music, art, mathematics, athletics, introversion or extroversion, but unless a tendency is embraced and reinforced, it won’t necessarily manifest itself. A predisposition toward anxiety is no different. If […]
What’s the Difference Between Stress and Anxiety?
Everyone I run into these days is so stressed, “I’ve got so much on my plate; I’m stressed at work, stressed with my boyfriend, my head feels like it’s going to explode–I need a vacation!” We all seem to know when we’re stressed, but what exactly is stress? Stress is one of those words that’s […]
There’s A Reason Why You’re Stuck, the key to resistance is persistence
If you’re anxious, depressed, or simply struggling with day-to-day routines, you’re probably no stranger to the resistance you feel when you try to change. It’ s that feeling of being “stuck.” From a Self-Coaching perspective, resistance can often be seen as a form of control, an attempt to avoid the implications of change. It’s the […]
The Curse of a Jealous Partner
I was working with a man recently whose jealousy was ruining his marriage. Jealousy is an interesting psychological issue. For starters, jealousy is about control. On the surface, it’s an attempt to control one’s partner from falling prey to someone else’s advances. The underlying reason is insecurity. An insecure, low self-esteem person has an unconscious […]
Four Words That Can Change Your Life
There are four words that can change your life. These four words happen to come from my friends at Alcoholics Anonymous who have many clever and engaging catchphrases such as “One Day at a Time” and “KISS–keep It Simple, Stupid.” But in my estimation, none is more powerful than “Let go, Let God.” I’d like […]
How to Beat a Depressed Mood
When caught in a depressed mood or mild depression, it’s tempting to feel that life is too hard, that you can’t go on. It’s this type of thinking that winds up feeding and sustaining the mood. Consider trying this: do nothing! Doing nothing may seem counterintuitive at first, but it happens to be the single […]
ADD, It’s Not a Focusing Problem
In my estimation, treating ADD (attention deficit disorder) as a focusing problem misses the point. Rather than thinking of ADD as a focusing problem, let me suggest that you consider thinking of it as having a low threshold to boredom. Let me explain. Unless something has significant stimulation value, you’re likely to drift (not focus) […]
Worry vs. Concern–Knowing the Difference Can Save You From Anxiety
Everyone worries, right? Worrying is so common, you might be tempted to think of it as an instinct. And if it’s instinctual, then it must be an adaptive part of our nature. Worrying about saber-toothed tigers while traipsing through the primeval jungles certainly would have provided a distinct survival advantage to our ancestors. Yet, as […]
Worriers Are Over-Thinkers and Self-Hypnotists
Ever notice how silly someone else’s worry seems to you? How many times have you told someone to stop making mountains out of molehills? Unfortunately, if worry has become your reflex, mountain-making is what you do best. And when you’re making mountains, the strangest things can seem very real. Insecurity is, first and foremost, opportunistic. […]
Why Change is Difficult
For many, the end of summer signals a time of transition—and sometimes, trepidation. As the trips to the beach, walks in the park, street fairs, and balmy nights yield to earlier sunsets, cooler nights, less humidity and the hint of seasonal change, it’s not unusual to experience an emotional shift. The leisure tempo and frivolity […]
Throwing Out the Concept of Mental Illness
I find that many people are intimidated by the concepts of anxiety and depression. Part of the problem is that most treat psychological struggle as an illness. What is your association to the word “illness?” When you’re ill, you see your doctor, right? Why is this? Because an illness is something that happens to you, […]
Tired of struggling? Want a better life? Simple—just do it!
If you’re struggling in life, not making great choices, experiencing psychological friction in the form of doubts, fears, and negatives–even feeling anxious, or depressed, it is probably time for a bit of coaching—Self-Coaching. If any of the above symptoms are a part of your life, you probably aren’t aware that your life is being contaminated […]
Insecurity
Take an inventory. You don’t have claws like a tiger, an exoskeleton of armor like a lobster, or wings like a sparrow to carry you away from a wide-eyed cat; truth is you’re rather ill-equipped when it comes to handling dangerous situations. We have bodies that bleed, hurt, and otherwise become easily damaged. In a […]
Insecurity Self-Quiz
Today you are the sum total of the habits of your life. When you look at your life frozen in the moment, you’re not just looking at a here-and-now snapshot, you’re also looking at the culmination of everything that preceded you. The ups and downs of your life, the illnesses, separations, traumas, surprises, successes, failures, […]
Feeling Unattractive? Think Again!
How do you feel about the person looking back at you in the mirror? Do you find yourself criticizing your hair or perhaps noticing that you’re a bit too pudgy? Is your nose too big? Too small? Don’t like your smile? Teeth? It may come as surprise to you to find out that what you […]
How to Stop Worrying
I’ve found in my practice that simply telling someone to stop worrying and not focus on the doubts, fears, and negatives associated with anxiety or depression, is often met with confusion, “I just don’t seem to be able to get it. The more I try to let go of worry thoughts, the more I find […]
Holiday Blues
Think of the Holidays as you would a magnifying glass. Certainly for many, the holidays are a time of heightened or magnified enjoyment, good cheer and joy, but for others, those experiencing loss, unresolved grief, disappointment, isolation, loneliness, depression or anxiety, the magnifying glass accentuates the pain in their lives. What many don’t realize is […]
Don’t Let Fear of Flying Ruin Your Vacation
For many people the bucolic vision of basking in the Caribbean sunshine, trekking through Yellowstone, or strolling through Ghirardelli Square is preceded by anticipatory dread and anxiety–fear of flying! Since 911, people’s fears, frustrations, and worries have understandably been heightened by increased security at airports. As TSA officials scrutinize, “wand” and otherwise invade your personal […]
Choosing the Life You Want
Imagine growing up in a protected courtyard enclosed on all sides by twenty-foot-high stone walls. Let us also imagine that from birth, you never ventured beyond your four walls. Your only perceptions would be your walls; the sky above; the rhythmic transits of the sun, moon, and stars; occasionally some rain or snow; visitations from […]
Are You a Prisoner of Control?
Imagine growing up in a protected courtyard enclosed on all sides by twenty-foot-high stone walls. Let us also imagine that from birth, you never ventured beyond your four walls. Your only perceptions would be your walls; the sky above; the rhythmic transits of the sun, moon, and stars; occasionally some rain or snow; visitations from […]
Where Does Depression Come From?
The exact cause of depression is unknown. What is known is that there are some common factors that may initiate and sustain depression and depressive symptoms. The following five factors may be related to your depression:
How to Stop Being a Control Freak
No one grows up in a perfect world. No one has perfect parents. And no one escapes life’s inevitable legacy of insecurity. This is the human condition. Insecurity creates a feeling of vulnerability. When you feel vulnerable, wanting to be in control seems like a natural, constructive desire. It may start out as a constructive […]
Life got you down? Don’t believe it!
Life got you down? Been struggling for way too long? Anxious? Depressed? If you’re desperate to reclaim your life from all this torment, then heed the words of the second-century slave turned philosopher Epictetus, who said it is not what happens to us that matters, but how we react to it that does. Saying this […]
Losing Weight: Time to Get Off the Yo-Yo Highway
When you decide to lose weight, it’s tempting not to leap with overzealous determination into an extreme diet—one that disregards both the psychological and biological realities of your complex body. Any approach that’s going to provide lifelong mastery is not going to be fanatical (fanatical approaches have a less than 5 percent chance of succeeding), […]
Are You Sabotaging Your Weight Loss Efforts?
The unfortunate truth is that change, all change, entails some degree of emotional friction, which in turn generates a “heated state” we call stress. Whether you’re feeling anxious, depressed, frustrated, fatigued, weak and out of control, or simply bored, emotional friction (stress) becomes the high-octane fuel of failure. When it comes to handling the stress […]
Self-Quiz for Depression
In evaluating your depression, it’s important to determine whether a program like Self-Coaching is enough to facilitate your healing. If you notice that your functioning is deteriorating and you find your thoughts growing darker and overwhelming, the possibility of medication should be explored. If, on the other hand, you find yourself holding-your-own and managing your […]
Is Depression Inherited?
There’s no argument that humans are born with genetic tendencies or predispositions toward certain physical or psychological traits. You can have a predisposition toward alcohol, obesity, music, art, mathematics, athletics, introversion, or extroversion, but unless a tendency is embraced and reinforced, it won’t necessarily manifest itself. A predisposition toward depression is no different. If you’re […]
How to Stop Anxiety and Depression
Once you get caught up in an anxiety or depressive spiral, life becomes a disoriented kaleidoscope of doubts, fears, and negatives. From a Self-Coaching perspective, it’s possible to infuse a sense of composure by looking at your anxiety or depression, not as mental illnesses, but as “habits.” Whereas the concept of “mental illness” can evoke […]
Is Depression A Mental Illness?
Most consider anxiety and depression to be forms of mental illness–some might use the term disease. What we call something is very important. Words shape the way we think and feel. Mark Twain once said, “The difference between the right word and the almost right word is like the difference between lightning and the lightning […]
Depression: A Self Generated Problem
Mention that you feel depressed and anyone will know what you’re talking about. Feeling down-in-the-dumps, miserable, negative, overwhelmed or worthless, are all symptoms of what we commonly refer to as being depressed. Certainly, these are symptoms we’ve all shared from time to time. That’s because getting depressed is a normal, inescapable part of being human. […]
There’s A Reason Why You’re Stuck
The key to resistance is persistence If you’re anxious, depressed, or simply struggling with day-to-day routines, you’re probably no stranger to the resistance you feel when you try to change. It’ s that feeling of being “stuck.” From a Self-Coaching perspective, resistance can often be seen as a form of control, an attempt to avoid […]