Self-Coaching Blog

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The month of December brings with it the beginning of chilly days, early sunsets, and the chance of snow. This winter season, let’s try and find the magic that is hidden in the delicate snowflakes, the cozy warmth of a fire, and the wisdom of nature. As the seasons begin to change, let us set an intention to greet the cold winter with a warm welcome. May we bring our own light into the darkness. Happy December!

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There are several differences between general anxiety disorder (GAD) and what we might call “normal” worry-anxiety. First, those with GAD suffer from excessive worrying that typically interferes with everyday life functioning, while those dealing with normal worry-anxiety would not classify their anxieties as “excessive,” and might even perceive their worries as manageable since they are able to step apart from these worries when required to function with day-to-day demands.

Second, the worrying of those with GAD can occur without precipitant (i.e., a stressful, challenging circumstance), the quality of the worrying is more ruminative and distressing and will persist for a longer duration than normal worry-anxiety, and the range of worry-thoughts is less connected to a given circumstance and more diffuse in nature (finances, health, terrorism, etc.)

Third, those with GAD are more likely to report physical symptoms resulting from their constant worrying and related difficulties with their jobs, relationships, and other significant life demands.

General anxiety disorder is characterized by the following symptoms:

● Excessive worry and anxiety
● Fatigue
● Feeling irritable, testy, or grouchy much of the time
● Feeling restless, keyed up, or edgy
● Difficulty concentrating or forgetting
● Muscle tension
● Sleep difficulties (difficulty falling or staying asleep, restless, non-restorative sleep)

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Worry is an anticipation that things are going to go wrong (we don’t worry about things going right). Whether you try to control your life by worrying, over-thinking, ruminating, being too cautious, fearful, or doubtful, worry isn’t the answer. If you’re stumbling emotionally in life, then incessant worrying may well be the root of your problem.

Rather than worrying about an uncertain or chaotic future, stay focused on the here-and-now facts of your life. If, for example, you have high cholesterol (which would be a fact), rather than worrying about having a heart attack, address the facts by eating more healthfully, getting more exercise, medication, and so on. Dealing with facts keeps you effectively in the present with a bonus of eliminating the anxiety associated with anticipating doom and gloom.

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Want to minimize or eliminate regrets in your life? If so, then it’s time to develop a bit of critical awareness to see how you become compromised by mind games, which are so typical of destructive, reflexive thinking. The best way to illustrate a mind game would be for you to sit down at a checker board and begin to play against yourself. If, for whatever reason, you want red to win, you’ll have to arrange for black to lose. You (red) will win, but have you really won or have you simply deluded yourself?

Whether you’re wrestling directly with self-sabotaging, should-I, shouldn’t-I thoughts or subtler, less obvious ploys like telling yourself, “I’ll just put that off until tomorrow” or, “She will never know I took that.” It’s important for you to become aware of how you delude yourself. You do this with excuses, rationalizations, and self-deception, all of which can become repetitive patterns. So, what’s the best way to insulate yourself from these patterns? Every time you wind up with regrets, guilts, or misgivings, look back to how you managed to “delude” yourself. Consciousness is critical if you want to truly live your intentions.

#anxiety #depression

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It’s important to understand that certain antidepressants work better for some people and not others. It’s also not uncommon to try different medications during treatment. Some people may also require more than one medication to achieve optimal results. Working with your doctor, you can discuss the risks as well as benefits of antidepressant medication in order to optimize your treatment.

It’s important to keep in mind that taking medication isn’t an exact science where one-size-fits-all. Although the prescribing of these medications is far from being haphazard, it is essentially a trial-and-error process to assess your unique requirements.

With moderate to severe intransigent depression, medication is often an essential adjunct to therapy, which is why I call medication a therapy facilitator. Studies have shown that with moderate to severe depression, therapy or medication alone are not as effective as the combining the two.

#anxiety #depression

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As a child I believed that stars appeared every night and disappeared each day. Now I know that stars don’t disappear, they’re merely obscured each day by the light of day. Your potential for happiness and fulfillment, like the stars in the firmament, is an ever-present possibility, but sometimes obscured, not by daylight, but by misdirected goals, insecurity and self-doubt. Your potential for happiness, like the stars, is always there. Even when obscured, if you look hard enough you’ll see life’s twinkling stars.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

#anxiety #depression #Thankful

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I saw a tombstone the other day. On the stone was inscribed the years: 1920 – 1999. To me neither the birth (1920) nor the death (1999) mattered much. What mattered was the dash inscribed between these dates. You see, it’s the dash that represents the life that was once lived.

It’s not important when you were born or when you die—what is important this Thanksgiving, is to be thankful for all the opportunities and possibilities available to you in your dash years.

#anxiety #depression #thanksgiving

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As we approach the winter solstice the darkest day of the year, all I hear from patients, friends, and family, is a collective, “I hate how the days are getting shorter and shorter.
If you’re one of these “complainers,” please read on.

I’m not a “complainer,” for me, shorter days are a blessing not a curse. Why? Because I love astronomy—shorter days gives me more time to view the stars. Think about it, life doesn’t dictate our mood, how we react and interpret life’s circumstances does.

Bottom line: NEVER let yourself feel victimized by your circumstances, work to change your perspective and even a dark, nighttime sky can become a blessing.

#anxiety #depression

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Regardless of your current belief or struggle, periodically during each day practice allowing yourself to imagine that everything you need to have a happy and successful life, you already possess. Just permit yourself to relax and accept this fundamental notion “AS-IF” it’s true.

No doubt you’ll struggle with your traditional doubts, fears, and hesitations, but for now, remember to accept this concept as-if it’s true. The important thing in this drill is that you’ll begin to get a taste of what it’s like to be empowered and not victimized by life. As many of my patients have found, you’ll be pleasantly surprised at the lasting changes in your mood and your life.

#anxiety #depression #selfconfidence

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In the physical world in order to achieve desired results, you must take action. Same is true for your emotions. You may feel victimized by anxiety or depression, but unless you actively challenge the emotional fictions of insecurity that spin in your mind, your desired serenity will never occur. What are emotional fictions? Typically, they’re the doubts, fears, and negatives that we allow to go unchallenged. Start challenging!

#anxiety #depression

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Doing something once, like going to the gym, passing up a piece of cake, or stopping negativity is great, but doing it twice, three times or for life requires determination. What is determination? It’s the ability to do what feels unnatural until it becomes the NEW natural.

#anxiety #depression #selfcoaching

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Motivation is a curious thing; it’s not always driven by desire. According to Anais Nin, “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” This quote suggests to me that sometimes the motivation to change comes, not from grandiose plans for personal expansion, but from the pain of stagnation. Personal dissatisfaction can be transformative. Why not risk blossoming?

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Whether you’re a perfectionist or simply too hard on yourself, no matter what you say or think, you can never give more than your best effort (How can you possibly do better than your best?). Therefore, if you happen to be too tunnel visioned about your goals, beware! The key to genuine happiness is learning NOT to embrace the best outcome, but to embrace your best effort.

#anxiety #depression

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Once while St. Francis of Assisi was hoeing his garden, he was asked, “What would you do if you were suddenly learn that you were going to die at sunset today? He replied, “I would finish hoeing my garden.”

Rather than anticipating or worrying about what’s ahead, invest yourself totally in all that you do. Do this, and you will be living a purposeful, rich life. The key is being present and connecting to the life in front of you rather than disconnecting from it as you anticipate tomorrow’s life and struggles.

#anxiety #depression

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Real, lifelong weight mastery isn’t a secret you’ll find buried in a diet book; it’s to be found in the systematic, practical application of learning to flex your self-discipline muscle and living your intentions. If, in fact, your self-discipline muscle has atrophied, then like any muscle, you need to begin getting some rehab, for example, saying “no” to that second helping, handling the transient discomfort of an urge or compulsion, and so on. Work at building your self-discipline muscle you’ll begin to realize that the outcome—weight mastery—is choice, not chance.

#dieting #anxiety #depression

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True happiness is an incorruptible attitude that exists independent of life’s circumstances. Living a fulfilled, happy life isn’t something you wish for–it’s something you choose! Starting today, regardless of what goes on around you, recognize that you and you alone make the decision as to what kind of day it will be. You’re in charge, BE in charge!

#anxiety #depression

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According to Buddha, “Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.” When it comes to life challenges, if you’re prone to excuses or rationalizations, the truth will eventually catch up to you. Why wait for regrets? Steel yourself, face your challenges, and you’ll never have to look back and wonder, “How did I let that happen?”

#anxiety #depression

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Every challenge, no matter how small, is an opportunity to grow in self respect, confidence and self-trust. Every setback, no matter how significant, is an opportunity to grow in self-respect, confidence and self-trust. In the grand scheme life, there should be no regrets, only appreciation for the opportunities to grow toward our full potential.

#anxiety #depression

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Question: what’s the difference between an optimist and a pessimist?
Answer: happiness!

Neither the optimist nor the pessimist knows what tomorrow will bring, but the optimist, by embracing positive expectations, lives in a passionate world of unending possibilities while the pessimist lives in a world of unending anticipation of chaos. What world do you live in?

#anxiety #depression #optimism

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Who you are, what you are, and where you’re going in life are all choices. If you don’t already know this, then you’re probably feeling victimized by life. Next time you’re feeling trapped or stuck, choose patience, choose perseverance, but most importantly, choose not to be powerless.

#anxiety #depression

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From a Self-Coaching perspective success is measured by the degree to which your intentions and aspirations are given life. You can begin the process right now by visualizing your success. Visualizations are energy triggers. Next, grab hold of this energy and bring it into your world in the form of action. Thoughts into action–that’s the secret for success!

#anxiety #depression

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You don’t stop exercising because you grow old. You grow old because you stop exercising.

www.selfcoaching.net

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In your lifetime you can expect your heart to beat 2.5 billion times, take six hundred million breaths and witness twenty-seven thousand sunrises. Yet no matter how wealthy or powerful you become, you’ll never be able to buy one extra heartbeat, one extra breath, or see one extra sunrise. The most important thing in life is time—treasure your day.

#anxiety #depression

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“I can’t do this, it’s too hard.” Thus, speaks the voice of insecurity, which is the voice of despair and defeat. When everything in you is telling you to give up and quit, you have only one ally—hope.

From a Self-Coaching perspective, hope is the expectation of relief and/or resolution. Granted, when you’re feeling hopeless, it seems impossible to reverse the tide of pessimism, but just because it seems impossible, doesn’t mean it is. Hope is nothing more than a leap of faith. Regardless of your circumstances, if you take the leap, at the very least your struggles will no longer own you.

#anxiety #depression

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My grandmother used to say, “You can’t stop a bird from flying into your hair, but you don’t have to help it build a nest.” When it comes to doubts, fears, or negatives, you may not be able to stop the first thought from percolating up into your mind, but you sure as hell can stop yourself from dancing with a second, third, or fourth thought. Stay mentally disciplined–you won’t regret it!

#anxiety #depression

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Alas, I know that the spectacular fall color of my ginkgo tree outside my window won’t last, it will shed its brilliant yellow leaves and soon winter will prevail. If I anticipate a bare ginkgo tree with denuded, frozen branches, I grow sad.

No doubt winter will come, but If I stay in this glorious October moment, where there is no winter, only my brilliant yellow ginkgo tree, then I am living correctly. The past and the future are mental abstractions, there is only now. Today, go find your ginkgo.

#anxiety #depression

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No one grows up in a perfect world, everyone suffers loss, illness, separations, and so on—to some degree, insecurity is an inevitable, inescapable part of life. Insecurity—the excessive fear of vulnerability—acts as mental friction creating hesitations and doubts. From a Self-Coaching perspective, it’s insecurity that feeds the “habits” of anxiety, depression, and all emotional struggle.

Security, on the other hand, is a relative term. Rather than seeing it as something you achieve; see it as an ongoing muscle-building process of living your life courageously (i.e., not yielding to insecurity’s doubt, fear, and negativity). Rather than allowing insecurity to insist on trying to over-control life, be willing to take a leap of faith and risk trusting—self and life.
#Anxiety #depression

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If you strive toward a goal and don’t make it, are you a failure? NO! Failure is a term reserved for those apathetic souls who never try or try and quit. As long as you’re trying, you can never be a failure. I always tell my patients, in life, if you can’t get in the front door, try the side door, or the back door, or a window…” There’s always a way for those who insist! And even if you do fail to reach a specific goal, “YOU” are not a failure, your effort was.

#anxiety #depression #selfhelp

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Weather forecasting is a metaphor for our current lives. When I was growing up, you rolled out of bed only to be surprised by a rainy or sunny day, now, at least as far as our ten-day weather forecasting is concerned, there are few surprises.

Like the weather forecast, we’ve come to abhor surprises. We tell ourselves that being prepared (a.k.a., worrying) is essential and that not worrying (god forbid) is a much too risky.

Okay, I can see where knowing what’s coming before it comes can sound appealing, but there is a trade-off, it’s called spontaneity.

Living your life in the future—regardless of the accuracy of your predictions—is, and will always be, at the expense of living your life in the moment—spontaneously. And when it comes happiness, serenity, and well-being, where do you think you have a better chance—living your life today or ten days from now?

#anxiety #depression

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If you’re serious about eliminating regrets then it’s time to develop a bit of critical awareness to see how you become compromised by “mind games,” which are so typical of destructive, reflexive thinking. The best way to illustrate a mind game would be for you to sit down at a checker board and begin to play against yourself. If, for whatever reason, you want red to win, you’ll have to arrange for black to lose. You (red) will win, but have you really won or have you simply deluded yourself?

Whether you’re wrestling directly with self-sabotaging should-I, shouldn’t-I thoughts or subtler, less obvious ploys like telling yourself, “I’ll just put that off until tomorrow” or, “She will never know I took that.” It’s important for you to become aware of how you delude yourself. You do this with excuses, rationalizations, and self-deception, all of which can become repetitive patterns. So, what’s the best way to insulate yourself from these patterns? Every time you wind up with regrets, guilts, or misgivings, look back to how you managed to “delude” yourself. Consciousness is critical if you want to truly live your intentions.

#anxiety #depression

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When struggling with a life challenge there’s a simple three-step, Self-Coaching strategy that will help:

1.) do the best you can

2.) never, ever, criticize your efforts

3.) learn to celebrate your efforts rather than your successes

Do this and you’ll be guaranteeing ongoing, sustained motivation that will see you through whatever life throws at you. Motivation is happiness’s fuel

#anxiety #depression

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Today is Halloween, no matter where you go there are ghosts, goblins, skeletons, and witches. Why? From a psychological perspective I suspect it has to do with our primal fear of all things related to death (i.e., things we can’t control).

Halloween is a day when we choose to deny our fears and mock the scary things in life. The Self-Coaching lesson is that everything that scares and frightens us, isn’t so terrifying if we choose to face them head on. Whatever your fears or insecurities, real or imagined, recognize that being frightened is a choice. And sometimes it helps to even laugh at what spooks us. Boo!

#anxiety #depression

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Human beings hate being out of control. That’s why getting the bills done, getting some exercise, losing weight, resolving conflicts, etc., makes us feel great. The opposite is also true, postponing our chores, harboring resentments, gaining weight, and feeling unhealthy makes us feel out of control, often contributing to ongoing stress, anxiety and even depression. Becoming more proactive with our lives doesn’t guarantee happiness, but it sure helps!

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If you’ve followed my Self-Coaching blogs, you’ll often hear me quote adage borrowed from Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), “Let go, let god.” It doesn’t matter if you interpret this in a spiritual or secular way, letting go of congested, insecurity-driven thinking (doubts, fears, negatives) is the first step. Letting life unfold without obsessively trying to control outcomes is the second step. No one said it better than the late mythologist, Joseph Campbell, “We must be willing to relinquish the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

#anxiety #depression

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No one grows up in a perfect world, everyone suffers loss, illness, separations, and so on—to some degree, insecurity is an inevitable, inescapable part of life. Insecurity—the excessive fear of vulnerability—acts as mental friction creating hesitations and doubts. From a Self-Coaching perspective, it’s insecurity that feeds the “habits” of anxiety, depression, and all emotional struggle.

Security, on the other hand, is a relative term. Rather than seeing it as something you achieve; see it as an ongoing muscle-building process of living your life courageously (i.e., not yielding to insecurity’s doubt, fear, and negativity). Rather than allowing insecurity to insist on trying to over-control life, be willing to take a leap of faith and risk trusting—self and life.

#anxiety #depression #insecurity

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When caught in a depressed mood, it’s tempting to feel that life is too hard, that you can’t go on. It’s this type of thinking that winds up feeding and sustaining the mood. Consider trying this: do nothing!

All too often we go to battle with our negative, spiraling thoughts. We beat ourselves up, which only adds fuel to the dark mood. Instead, next time you’re in a slump of negativity, don’t engage in debate, guilt, or self recrimination–in essence, don’t resist, simply yield.

Just allow yourself to ride out the mood with the understanding and conviction that, ‘this too shall pass.’ The key is not to get caught up in a dance with your depressed thoughts. The more you ruminate, worry, or antagonize yourself, the more you feed the mood instead of starving it.

By letting it go, turning away, distracting yourself and not engaging a mood with persistent doubts, fears, or negatives, the more you allow yourself to reduce psychological friction while ensuring that you don’t become a victim of your mood.

#anxiety #depression #mood

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From a Self-Coaching perspective, it’s not possible to answer this question. Not because it’s illusive or complicated, but because who you are isn’t a stationary concept like a snapshot or a portrait painting. Instead of trying to pin down the “who” you are, think instead of “what” you’re becoming. Every second of every day you, your persona, is evolving, changing, adapting. The real question is what is the direction of this change? Not sure what direction your life is headed? Simply begin by taking a closer look at your here-and-now actions and the choices you make. And if you don’t like what you see, then start making better choices! One choice at a time.

#anxiety #depression

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Regardless of your current belief or struggle, periodically during each day practice allowing yourself to believe that everything you need to have a happy and successful life, you already possess. Just permit yourself to relax and accept this fundamental notion—even if it’s only for a few seconds at first.

Don’t allow yourself to fight it. You can expect a struggle from your traditional doubts, fears, and hesitations, but for now, accept it AS-IF it’s true. The important thing in this drill is to begin feeling what it’s like to be empowered and not victimized by life. Later, as you progress with this SelfCoaching exercise, you might be surprised at the lasting changes in your mood and your life.

#anxiety #depression

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Remember when you were a child and everything seemed possible? Why do we grow up and become sober to life’s wonder and magic? If not cynical? The answer is rather straight forward: The child knows how to ‘be’ while the adult winds up ‘thinking’ about being.

Is it possible to experience life’s wonder and magic again? Yes, once you realize the extraordinary power of simply being in the moment rather than mindlessly allowing yourself to become hijacked by excessive contemplation, rumination, or worry.

Starting today, with awareness, begin to liberate yourself– especially from insecurity-driven thinking (i.e., doubt, fear, and negativity)—giving yourself a chance to once again experience a bit of life’s magic? Bottom line: think less, be more.

#anxiety #depression

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Bumble bees are not supposed to fly. Their body weighs too much and their wingspan is too short. Thank goodness the bumble bee doesn’t know these facts. What are the supposed “facts” that are holding you back?

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A few years ago, I installed a light switch incorrectly. So, instead of flipping the switch up to turn on the light, you had to flip it down. Rather than changing the switch I told myself that I would eventually remember that for this one switch, down, in a sense, was up. That was three years ago and I still keep forgetting!

The problem was that my new switch went against all the other switches in my house and therefore my brain was constantly being reinforced by the old, established habit of switch up, light on.

If your brain is constantly being fed information that supports the insecurity-driven thinking of emotional struggle (doubts, fears, and negativity), then isolated attempts to be more hopeful or optimistic just can’t compete. Not unless you engage in a systematic process of extinguishing all the faulty thinking “switches” that reinforce and anxiety and depression.

#anxiety #depression

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Okay, so maybe you’re prone to worrying or maybe you might even call yourself a worrywart, and maybe preparing for the worst doesn’t sound so terrible to you. You may even think it’s prudent, if not smart. And I wouldn’t disagree if it weren’t for the compulsive, unrelenting loop of worry that gets generated.

If there’s one thing certain about worrying, it’s the fact that worry begets worry. So, as you can see, worrying isn’t innocently involved with wanting to batten down the hatches and prepare for a potential storm, it’s more of a primitive, child-like need to escape life’s challenges altogether.

When, because of insecurity and lack of self-trust, you feel you can’t handle some aspect of life, then worry becomes an attempt to figure out how dodge the bullet. Saying this differently, worry is often an attempt to somehow—if not magically—find a way to figure out how to feel less vulnerable.

www.selfcoaching.net

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It’s important to understand that certain antidepressants work better for some people and not others. It’s also not uncommon to try different medications during treatment. Some people may also require more than one medication to achieve optimal results.

Working with your doctor, you can discuss the risks as well as benefits of antidepressant medication in order to optimize your treatment. It’s important to keep in mind that taking medication isn’t an exact science where one-size-fits-all. Although the prescribing of these medications is far from being haphazard, it is essentially a trial-and-error process to assess your unique requirements.

With moderate to severe intransigent depression, medication is often an essential adjunct to therapy, which is why I call medication a therapy facilitator. Studies have shown that with moderate to severe depression, therapy or medication alone are not as effective as the combining the two

#anxiety #depression

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I don’t know about you, but I’m looking forward to winter for one reason—solace! Interpretation: no more leaf blowers!

When I was a kid there wasn’t the deafening sound of leaf blowers or gas lawn mowers. Only the occasional sound of a scratching rake or the spinning blades of a push mower. Yeah, I was spoiled. I wonder if today’s youth are as sensitive to noise pollution?

I was driving through the town of Sleepy Hollow, New York this summer and noticed a sign that read, “Town Ordinance: No gas-powered equipment until after Labor Day.” Now, that’s my kind of town!

Say what you will about the cold or low light of winter, but do take a moment to rejoice in the serenity of quiet. You know, the way the world is supposed to sound.

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It’s a mistake to think that being courageous means you’re fearless.The courageous person doesn’t eliminate fear, he/she manages it.

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It’s not life struggle that brings us to our knees, it’s our interpretation that does.

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Regardless of your current belief or struggle, periodically during the day practice allowing yourself to believe that everything you need to have a happy and successful life, you already possess. Just permit yourself to relax and accept this fundamental notion—even if it’s only for a few seconds at first.

Don’t allow yourself to fight it. You can expect a struggle from your traditional doubts, fears, and hesitations, but for now, accept it “as-if” it’s true. The important thing in this drill is to begin feeling what it’s like to be empowered and not victimized by life. Later, as you progress with this exercise, you might be surprised at the lasting changes in your mood and your life.

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You don’t quit because it’s too hard, too frustrating, or too complicated. You quit because you allow yourself to believe it’s too hard, frustrating, or complicated. The person who refuses to accept negativity is the person who will always triumph.

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It’s been said that the distance between success and failure can only be measured by one’s desire. And yet desire alone, if not coupled with action will remain simply a yearning. Are you yearning for what you want? Or are you moving toward what you want?

#anxiety #depression

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When regrets begin to replace dreams, it’s time to take a look. Are you moving forward, aspiring toward self-improvement, or are you frozen with regrets? Starting today, let go of yesterday’s regrets, ignite your life by allowing yourself to believe—and dream about the happiness that awaits you.

#anxiety #depression

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Ever notice how many reasons you come up with for why you “can’t?” Not enough time…too hard…too busy…too tired. And yet, in order to figure out why you can, all you have to do is recognize that the reasons why you “couldn’t” weren’t reasons at all—just excuses!

#anxiety #depression

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Insecurity—the excessive fear of vulnerability—acts as mental friction creating hesitations and doubts. From a Self-Coaching perspective, it’s insecurity that feeds the “habits” of anxiety, depression, and all emotional struggle.

Security, on the other hand, is a relative term. Rather than seeing it as something you achieve; see it as an ongoing muscle-building process of living your life courageously (i.e., not yielding to insecurity’s doubt, fear, and negativity).

Rather than allowing insecurity to insist that you must over-control life by anticipating and worrying, be willing to take a leap of faith and risk letting life unfold naturally, in the moment. To do this you’ll need to also risk trusting—self and life.

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Regardless of your current belief or struggle, periodically during each day practice allowing yourself to believe that everything you need to have a happy and successful life, you already possess. Just permit yourself to relax and accept this fundamental notion—even if it’s only for a few seconds at first.

Don’t allow yourself to fight it. You can expect a struggle from your traditional doubts, fears, and hesitations, but for now, accept it as-if it’s true. The important thing in this drill is to begin feeling what it’s like to be empowered and not victimized by life. Later, as you progress with this SelfCoaching exercise, you might be surprised at the lasting changes in your mood and your life.

#anxiety #depression #selfhelp

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In our pursuit of our goals, we sometimes find ourselves feeling intimidated or worse, overwhelmed. And sometimes this is because we grow impatient and leave the path of moderation, leaping too far forward. The key to success is to deconstruct every goal into reasonable, moderate and manageable steps. Nothing is impossible, even the word impossible when broken down, becomes: I’m possible.

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How many chores will you get done today? Five? Ten? Twenty? Of those chores, how many will make a difference in your life? More precisely, how many of those chores fall into the category of mindless compulsivity?

Ask yourself one question today, “What will make a difference?” Just asking this question begins to help orient you toward a less driven, compulsive lifestyle. Simply put, happiness is figuring out how to have more “want-tos” and less “have-tos” in your day-to-day life.

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Overeating, inactivity, procrastination, laziness, ever wonder why you try to anesthetize yourself from life as if you’re trying to avoid something painful? Never doubt that the greatest pain is the realization of a life half-lived.

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Without question success is a wonderful thing, but let’s not forget that success is a relative term. As anyone who has ever reached a desired goal in life knows that success is transient. You celebrate a victory today and tomorrow invariably presents new challenges. If you’re looking for something more enduring, realize that simply reaching your goals is only part of the picture. Appreciating your ongoing efforts and intentions, fighting the good fight, staying involved in your own evolution, now that’s successful living! Let’s redefine success, not only as reaching goals, but by learning to live in harmony with your intentions Do this and every day becomes a blue-ribbon day!

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Do you waste much time thinking about what you should have done, might have done, or are going to do? If so, imagine how much time you’d have if you learn to think less and do more.

#anxiety #depression

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If only a caterpillar could know its butterfly potential, how easy it would be to endure its dreary caterpillar existence. You may not know what’s ahead, but you’ve got nothing to lose by acting as if one day you will fly.

#depression #anxiety #hope

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When you become victimized by anxious thoughts or depressed moods, your perspective narrows. We call this loss of perspective tunnel vision–the inability to see the bigger picture. Next time you find yourself in a tunnel vision world, recognize that there’s always an expansive, optimistic view at the end of the tunnel. Whatever it takes, you need to drive toward the light. Just because you don’t see it (yet) doesn’t mean the wide-angle perspective isn’t there.

#depression #anxiety #happiness

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Life is like a stream with a swift current running through it. With pessimism we plod against the force of the current, feeling the endless resistance of the water pushing against us. With optimism, we flow with the current, feeling the endless energy and buoyancy of the water. Why would anyone choose to go against the current? Why indeed!

#anxiety #depression #happiness

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If you think of anxiety and depression as habits that are driven by insecurity, then the question you need to ask yourself is, “am I feeding or starving my habit?” How do you feed a habit of anxiety or depression? With crumbs called doubt, fear, and negativity.

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In our fast paced, multi-tasking, stressful lives we often lose sight of the essential need to stay focused and connected to what we do. Once while St. Francis of Assisi was hoeing his garden, he was asked what would he do it if he were suddenly to learn that he was to die at sunset? He replied, “I would finish hoeing my garden.” It’s not what you do in life that makes you feel significant, it’s the significance you invest in life that does. Whatever you do, do it with all your heart. Nothing else matters.

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If you insist on perfection, you will fail. Why? Because perfection is a myth–no one is, or can ever be, without flaw. The key to success is to be on a path that merely points towards “perfecting” yourself. You’ll never become perfect, but you’ll always be bettering yourself. And if it were possible to become perfect, just realize how impossible the maintenance would be to remain perfect!

#anxiety #OCD #compulsive

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No one can predict the future. This is true. However, you may be able to find solace in the laws of probability. If you courageously live each day according to your intentions–rather than against them (procrastination, avoidance, impulsivity, etc.) –you can bask in the knowledge that your success in life becomes a probability. We might even say, a certainty!

#anxiety #depression #happiness

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Like pearls strung together on a necklace, life is ultimately the accumulation of many actions joined together by a common thread—you are that thread. Every action, every effort, every attempt toward self-improvement needs to be valued—these are your pearls.

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Blink an eye, a month slips by. Blink again, a year. Procrastination is an enemy of the soul. If you are frozen with putting-off-until-tomorrow thinking, then embrace the words of Frederick Douglass, “It is not light that we need, but fire; it is not the gentle shower, but thunder. We need the storm, the whirlwind, and the earthquake.” Do it today!

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According to an old proverb, “The great question is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with failure.” When it comes to past setbacks and failures, history will repeat itself if nothing changes. Rather than feeling guilt or shame over a failure, be thankful! Thankful for the opportunity to know what NOT to do next time.

#anxiety #depression #selfhelp

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I saw a tombstone the other day inscribed with the years, 1920 – 1999. To me neither the birth date (1920) nor the death date (1999) mattered much. What mattered was the dash inscribed between these dates. It’s the dash that represents the life that was once lived. When you were born or when you die aren’t nearly as important as what you’re doing with your dash-years!

#anxiety #depression #happiness

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“We have met the enemy and he is us.” (Pogo, 1970)

Life doesn’t stop us from reaching our goals, we stop us. Self-distrust, pessimism, negativity, fear–whatever the circumstances that frustrate you, there’s a way. If not through the front door, then the side door, the back door –there’s always a way!

#anxiety #depression #selfhelp

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The “secret” is rather simple, “Be where you are.” That’s it!
With anxiety you’re anywhere but where you are. You may, for example imagine yourself in the dentist’s chair or confronting your boss for a raise, in which case you’ve transported yourself to an anxious future. You need to simply accept where you are at any given moment—sitting on a chair in your living room, washing a dish, etc. Do this and you will be minimizing, if not eliminating, anxiety. Why? Because insecurity-driven, anxious thinking takes place, not where you are, but where you “might” be in the future.

It’s a good idea to periodically check out where you mind is and, more importantly, where you are in time and space.This will take some practice especially if you’re prone to worry, but once you return to where you are, you’ll notice a calmer feeling as you let go of things that may never ever happen.

#anxiety #depression #worrying #selfhelp

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Coming this Fall

Unlearning Anxiety & Depression

(Now available on Amazon.com as a pre-order)

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“I’m not sure I can handle that.” “I don’t think I’m good enough.” Self-doubt is a form of control intended to protect you from…life! Self-doubt can easily become a psychological cancer that erodes both confidence and motivation. It’s living life with one foot on the gas, one foot on the brake—frozen with insecurities. The solution is simple: a willingness to risk believing in yourself.

#anxiety #depression #selfhelp

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The only difference between a rainy day and a sunny day is that one is wet, the other isn’t. The point is that everything in life just “is.” Nature, life, sunny days and rainy days are neither good nor bad–they just are! It’s we humans that determine good, bad, positive or negative. It’s called perspective. It’s never life that brings you to your knees, it’s how you interpret life that does.

#depression #anxiety #selfhelp

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When it comes to putting our needs ahead of others, we often wind up feeling that we’re being selfish. If doing something restorative, like going for a walk, taking a yoga class or simply taking a time out, leaves you with a case of the “guilts,” then it’s time to realize that there needs to be a new word to describe healthy, restorative care of ourselves. The word selfish is typically used to describe egocentric, narcissistic striving, but what’s a word for healthy selfishness? The best word I can come up with is self-respect.

#anxiety #depression #selfworth

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As the saying goes, “We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.” When challenged by the winds of adversity it makes no sense to waste time lamenting life’s difficult circumstances. Next time you’re frustrated by problems or setbacks, stop whining, make a few adjustments and then use that same wind to propel and motivate you to go forward.

#anxietydepressionselfcoaching

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The truth is that if it weren’t for sickness you wouldn’t value health. If it weren’t for evil you wouldn’t understand the value of what is good. If you never worked, do you think your free time would be as valuable? And if it weren’t for cloudy, stormy days, would not the sunshine be taken for granted? To live a full life of appreciation and perspective, you must embrace all of life.