Have-tos, want-tos: what’s the driving force in your life?

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In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I discuss the importance of differentiating normal from neurotic behavior. You do this by asking what’s driving my behavior? Whether it’s getting that closet organized just so, or not wanting to take a day off our exercise routine, how do we define what constitutes “compulsive” behavior?

The answer is that when your behavior is driven by positive desire and a tendency toward self-actualization, that’s healthy.  And that’s normal. But when your behavior is driven by insecurity, then it’s a need to deflect, compensate, or otherwise over-control life, and that’s not healthy. It all boils down to when you feel like you don’t have a choice, when your “want-tos” have morphed into “have-tos.”