Have you ever been told that you’re too sensitive or that you think too much? How about, “let it go, it wasn’t that big of a deal.” If so, you may be a highly sensitive person. In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I discuss sensitivity with an emphasis on those who tend to be overly, or hyper-sensitive.
Although sensitivity can be positive attribute contributing to a depth of feeling and experience, a highly sensitive person, on the other hand, is often prone to rumination and self-criticism, which can easily lead to feeling overwhelmed either in social situations or with life’s demands.
If you are an overly sensitive person, it’s time to initiate a bit of self-care, keeping in mind, that when it comes to feelings, it’s not a matter of eliminating your sensitivities, it’s a matter of managing them.
In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I discuss the value of surrendering to life’s inevitable, unavoidable challenges. Join us as we explore our reflexive tendency to resist change and the value of learning to surrender.
So, how do you know when it’s time to surrender? That’s when you begin to realize that holding on and resisting hurts more than letting go. Adjusting to a new normal allows you to regain a healthy perspective rather than chaos in your life. Remember, it’s never life that brings us to our knees, it’s how we react and respond to life that does.
Next time you must face an unavoidable need to change some aspect of your life, be reminded that the discomfort of surrender is temporary! The relief of adapting is permanent.
Ever heard of toxic positivity? Well, I never did either until Lauren told me about it this week. In this Self-Coaching episode, we define toxic positivity as the excessive and ineffective attempt(s) to gloss over someone’s struggle by offering such platitudes as, “chin up,” “things could be worse.” Although well intentioned, these cliches can often cause shame or guilt for a person stuck in their struggles who might be feeling stuck and unable to “chin-it-up.”
And don’t think these gems of optimism are reserved just for others, we often dismiss our own true feelings with Pollyanna, sugary thoughts as, ‘everything happens for a reason.’
So why is this important? The reason it’s important to understand toxic positivity is because it often results in the denial, minimization, and invalidation of someone’s struggles. Instead of toxic positivity, Lauren and I discuss a better approach to dealing with the here-and-now struggles of those that we care about.
In this second part of our Self-Coaching series on the psychology of relating in cyber space, Lauren and I continue our conversation, highlighting both the positive and negative aspects social media. There’s no question that social media is here to stay, as long as you have balance between real and cyber relationships and, as long as you’re willing to embrace moderation and mindfulness in your usage, social media can enhance and expand your universe. Just keep in mind that sometimes, when it comes to happiness and psychological well-being, less is often more.
In this Self-Coaching podcast, Lauren and I discuss how our hectic, high-pressure world seems to lend itself to the escape, stimulation, and distraction of social media. There is, however, a downside to squeezing more and more cyber-stimulation into your day-to-day life. When round-the-clock, hyper-connectivity begins to become compulsive, if not addictive, it may be time to hit the pause button and clarify your intentions.
There’s no question that social media is here to stay, as long as you have balance between real and cyber relationships and as long as you’re willing to embrace moderation and mindfulness in your usage, social media can enhance and expand your universe. Nevertheless, it is important to keep in mind that sometimes, when it comes to happiness and psychological well-being, less is often more.
In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I discuss the importance of differentiating normal from neurotic behavior. You do this by asking what’s driving my behavior? Whether it’s getting that closet organized just so, or not wanting to take a day off our exercise routine, how do we define what constitutes “compulsive” behavior?
The answer is that when your behavior is driven by positive desire and a tendency toward self-actualization, that’s healthy. And that’s normal. But when your behavior is driven by insecurity, then it’s a need to deflect, compensate, or otherwise over-control life, and that’s not healthy. It all boils down to when you feel like you don’t have a choice, when your “want-tos” have morphed into “have-tos.”
In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I discuss the many reasons why people have difficulty accepting gifts, praise, or acts of kindness. One overarching reason driven by insecurity is ‘over-thinking.’ “Why did she offer to take me?” “He’s just saying he likes me; I don’t buy it.” Another reason is low self-esteem—not feeling worthy. There are many expressions of this problem, including distrust, feeling out of control, fear of strings being attached, feeling awkward, and so on. Isn’t it time to stop allowing insecurity to call the shots?
Learning to say a simple, “Thank you,” can go a long way in liberating you from these needless life tensions. It’s all about learning acceptance by opening up your mind and heart.
In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I discuss how to neutralize negative imprints from the past. Obviously, not all historical imprints are negative, but some are. It’s time to learn to neutralize those reflexive imprints that don’t serve us. How? One-by-one, neuron by neuron, brain circuit by circuit. Yes, you can begin to neutralize these troublesome imprints and habits by training yourself to live according to life’s here and now facts rather than historical, knee-jerk contamination.
It’s time to become more aware of your reflexive beliefs and reactions to life. Time to decide what serves you and what hurts you. Do this and you will be actively starting a process of reprogramming your brain to go from struggle to solace, from past contamination to present living.
In this Self-Coaching podcast, Lauren and I discuss how to restore and replenish healthy self-esteem. It all begins with a simple truth: there’s nothing wrong with you. Never was. You may reflexively balk at this statement especially if insecurity and faulty perceptions of inferiority have been calling the shots, but it happens to be irrefutable.
When you put yourself down you diminish your self-worth, you violate you. Stop doing it! Granted, at this point you may not be able to flip from black to white and gush with self-love (although that would be nice), but at the very least, you can start to neutralize your negativity. Sure, you may feel inferior, but always remember feelings are not facts. And when it comes to inferiority—your feelings are nothing more than faulty, miscalculations of your truth. And what’s that truth? let me reiterate: THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. NEVER WAS!
In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I discuss emotional triggers. Triggers are any word, person, event, or experience that “triggers” an immediate emotional reaction. Although triggers can be positive reactions to a stimulus, our focus in this episode will be on our negative, knee-jerk reactions that we often come to regret.
We’ve all experienced being “triggered” or as they say, having our buttons pushed. Although triggers are reflexive, non-thinking reactions, that doesn’t mean you have to be victimized by them. Not once you learn to detach, re-center, and focus on various coping strategies. With a bit of hindsight, you can learn to become more aware of the signs in your body that you’re reacting to a trigger, allowing you to become less susceptible to being emotionally manipulated. Like any other habit, if triggers are inadvertently reinforced, they will persist, but, as you’ll learn from this podcast, with a bit of understanding and practice, even knee-jerk triggers and be neutralized.
How do you handle being stuck in traffic, a slow line at the grocery store, or a slow Internet connection? Are you too impatient? Low frustration tolerance? If so, it’s time to stop torturing yourself when trying to handle life’s inevitable bouts of impatience. Only you can decide if the cost of being patient is worth it, but if it’s worth it, then join Lauren and I in this Self-Coaching episode and learn to begin taming your impatience rather than being victimized by it.
Okay, so you’re offended, you’re angry, your feelings are hurt, maybe it’s time to forgive. Why? Because resentment and anger are poisons that you take. It’s like carrying a packpack with a 20 pound weight on your back. Why not simply let it go? One reason is because on some neurotic level, you’re wanting to retaliate by “hating” or holding a grudge toward the offending person. Or maybe you’re tying to teach them a lesson by being angry, whatever the reason, remember, you’re the one carrying the 20 pounds on your back, not the other person; you become your own victim.
You deserve better and in this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I discuss how, by practicing forgiveness, you can learn to drop the 20 pound backpack–letting go of your own poison. Forgiveness isn’t necessarily forgetting or excusing the offending person, it’s simply letting go and releasing your own toxic feelings and moving on with your life.
In this Self-Coaching episode Lauren and I discuss ways to expand your life beyond your “comfort zone.” There’s a saying that goes, ‘If you aim at nothing, you’ll hit it every time.’ The longer you do nothing about what you want out of life, the longer you will live with empty dreams. There’s no doubt that wishful thinking can ever replace purpose-driven determination and action. A successful life doesn’t come looking for you, it must be sought, pursued and embraced.
This episode will help you find something to aim at, while understanding the hesitations and self-doubt that may be holding you back from a more expansive life potential that exists. Is it time to expand your horizons?
In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I discuss various strategies for managing fear. Fear is an instinctual response to danger (real or imagined). When the danger is real, like with COVID, fear mobilizes our resources to protect us from harm. And this is a good thing. When fear is associated with insecurity, however, then we wind up protecting ourselves, not from actual danger, but from fear itself (the “what-ifs”). When this happens, fear can easily morph into anxiety.
How do you tell the difference? Fear that has been cannibalized by insecurity is primarily a projection of the what-ifs, “What if I get sick?” “What if I lose my job?” Although seemingly reasonable, “what-if,” insecurity-driven fear deals with an uncertain future. Since the future doesn’t exist, these fears should be thought of as projections of our insecurity.
Join us as we discuss various Self-Coaching approaches that can go a long way toward managing and eliminating everyday fears and related anxieties.
How much of a role do genes determine your personality? Your happiness? Can we actually change who we are? In this Self-Coaching podcast, Lauren and I discuss how to “reinvent” yourself into the person you want to be and the person you deserve to be. There’s a line from a poem that goes, “Stone wall do not a prison make, nor iron bars a gage.” Sure, there are genetic predispositions, but there’s a lot of wiggle room as to what exactly can and can’t be changed in your life. It’s not walls, iron bars, or genetics that imprison us…it’s our thoughts, perceptions, and faulty beliefs.
You may have a genetic tendency towards certain traits, but your life is NOT predetermined! Starting today with this podcast, learn to abandon your fixed-mindset by replacing it with a growth-mindset. What you believe is what you become. And don’t let anyone tell you differently.
In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I explore the rather illusive concept of happiness. Happiness isn’t a goal that you can simply reach and be done with. It’s a constant pursuit requiring continual nurturing and sustenance. If you’re looking to increase your satisfaction with life, build stronger coping skills and emotional resilience, improve your health and longevity, then it’s important for you to understand how you can shed the negative, pessimistic habits that are holding your back and replace them with strategies that will ensure a more happy, purposeful, passionate life.
How often do you allow circumstances, challenges, or stress to dictate what kind of day it will be? Regardless of what goes on around you, it’s important to recognize that you and you alone make the decision as to what kind of day it will be.
In this episode Lauren and I discuss various Self-coaching techniques to help you recognize that negativity, pessimism, and unhappiness are habits of mental passivity! Habits that, if you do nothing, well victimize you–and your day. So, rather than seeing life as one long dental appointment, explore with us a strategy for seeing each day as an opportunity to actively step apart from the circumstances or moods that steal your genuine, innate capacity for happiness.
There’s no doubt that we humans are hardwired to adapt to life’s ever-changing challenges. Clearly, COVID 19 has demanded that we adapt to a new, more restricted way of life. Some have struggled, some have whined, but somehow, we’ve all made it through last year. How about you? Did you resist the inevitable restrictions and demands? How about now, are you adapting to this seemingly transitional period where it’s a kind of one-foot-in, one-foot-out experience of “almost” getting back to some semblance of normalcy?
In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I discuss the dynamics of why some people are more “adaptable,” while others resist, becoming overly cautious, pessimistic, or hesitant to change. Whether or not you are adaptable or not, join us to explore what can be done to enhance your ability and willingness to change, adapt, and transcend, not only this pandemic, but any and all of life’s inevitable and ongoing challenges.
In today’s podcast, Lauren and I discuss the fact that true happiness is an incorruptible attitude that exists independent of life’s circumstances. Whether the impediment to your happiness is caused by insecurity, life circumstances, or a faulty perspective, according to Self-Coaching, living a fulfilled, happy life isn’t something you wish for—it’s something you can learn to choose. Regardless of what’s going on around you, we suggest strategies that you can begin to employ today, enabling you to tap into your true potential for the happiness you want and the happiness you deserve.
With the vaccine rollouts and warmer days ahead, for the first time, there may be a legitimate light at the end of this long, long tunnel. Great news! But as encouraging as this news may be, we must now prepare ourselves to enter a familiar yet changed world..
In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I discuss how this is the time to begin to fortify ourselves and our psyches for what’s ahead in a post-virus world. Although paradoxical, it’s not unusual that, as things continue to improve, we may actually see an uptick in our level of emotional distress. Why? Because for the last year we’ve been in a kind of automatic survival mode — less thinking, more protecting. It’s as if we’ve been holding our breath under water and are finally able to reach the surface and gasp a breath, only to realize how close we came to drowning. But as we start to catch our collective breaths, we’ll begin to feel the toll our stress has taken, and how depleted we are, mentally as well as physically.
Realize that as the intensity and stress of these past few months begin to flatten along with that damn curve (!), your emotions may lag behind. This is normal and should be expected. Don’t think that your psyche hasn’t been affected by what you’ve gone through — it has!
In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I discuss the many elements of successful relating. Whether you’re involved in a relationship that’s struggling or you simply want to fortify a good and loving relationship, this episode will shed light on the many elements involved in maintaining, enhancing, and restoring the love and enthusiasm you and your partner, friend, or spouse are capable of–and deserve!
However bogged down, confused, or distraught you may feel, untangling the chaos of a struggling relationship doesn’t have to feel like rocket science, quite the opposite, it’s all about raising your ‘couples-consciousness’ by learning to break away from reflexive, destructive habits and establishing more effective ways to communicate. Isn’t it time to start restoring optimism, hope, and love in your relationship?
In this episode of Self-Coaching, Lauren and I discuss the three pillars happiness: personal happiness (releasing your innate capacity for joy); functional happiness (learning to ‘connect’ rather than ‘disconnect’ from what you do), and relationship/social happiness (overcoming the vulnerability of relating to others).
Understanding the difference between joy, which is an internal pursuit, and happiness which is an external pursuit, will help you understand the many misguided frustrations we face when trying to live more meaningful, content lives.
Being human means accepting the fact that life can challenge us in many ways. Insecurity, emotional vulnerability, fear of making mistakes, uncertainty, anxiety, social survival, competition, loss, abandonment, and so on, represent just some of the many potential threats we encounter in our emotional “jungle.” In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I discuss how the myriad array of circumstantial threats can make us feel like we’re lost in a jungle of mixed and frightening emotions. As disquieting as these emotions can be, it helps to have a strategy for navigating life’s inevitable challenges, and yet, as simplistic as it seems, sometimes all that’s necessary is a change of perspective.
Do you worry what people think of you? Do you typically find yourself focusing on your negatives? Are you always comparing yourself with others? If so, this episode of Self-Coaching is for you. Whether you’re too sensitive or even hypersensitive, it’s important to get a handle on how low self-esteem can create a life of torment.
Join Lauren and I as we discuss various Self-Coaching strategies involved in combating the myriad struggles related to a lack of self-confidence, self-worth, or insecurity.
Tired of endless dieting? Not getting results that last? IT’s time to change your relationship to food and change the way you look—for life!
This episode of Self-Coaching explores the emotional triggers and ingrained behavioral habits driving overindulgence. Lauren and I discuss powerful, simple Self-Coaching techniques that will help you break self-sabotaging cravings, compulsions, and emotional eating. You’ll learn to lose those extra pounds for good.
In this episode, Lauren and I discuss the importance of sleep along with various Self-Coaching suggestions for falling asleep, staying asleep, and waking up refreshed. Learn how bed-time rituals and day-time habits play an important part in allowing the body and mind to naturally wind down at the end of the day in preparation for an easy transition to a restorative slumber. You’ll find out why sleep is a critical component in daytime productivity, mental well-being, and emotional balance.
Dreams, nightmares, dream paralysis, and sleep walking are a just a few of the nocturnal phenomena discussed in this episode.
In this episode Lauren and I discuss numerous Self-Coaching techniques for understanding and managing stress. Everyone knows stress, it’s a reflexive, protective reaction to danger—real or imagined. When you feel threatened, challenged, or overwhelmed, stress starts as a chemical reaction in your body designed to get you to protect yourself.
What causes stress in one person may be of little or no consequence to another. Some people are just better able to handle stress while others may start to panic over small, insignificant challenges. Our bodies are designed to handle the inevitable stress of living (i.e., small doses of stress), unfortunately, we are not equipped to handle long-term, chronic stress without ill consequences. You may not be able to eliminate stress from your life, but you don’t have to be victimized by it either.
In this episode my daughter Lauren and I discuss selfishness. You might be surprised to find out that not all selfishness is selfish, in fact, when it comes to being more effective, empathetic, and caring, taking care of yourself and your own needs is a prerequisite for genuine compassion and relatedness. But first, from a Self-Coaching perspective, we need to stop calling it selfish and find a “healthier” description of selfishness. Join us as we explore self-care, self-love, and self-respect.
With the close of this difficult and tragic year, it’s time to change our perspective as we look toward 2021 with the prospects of reclaiming our normal lives once again.
In this episode my daughter and I discuss the perennial practice of making New Year’s resolutions. If you’d like some Self-Coaching advice on how to make–and keep–this year’s 2021 New Year’s resolutions, you need to listen to this episode.
Lauren and I would like to wish all our listeners a most happy, healthy New Year, imbued with renewed optimism and belief of better times ahead.
In the episode you’re going to learn that fear is an unavoidable part of being human. You may not be able to eliminate all fear from you life, but you can definitely learn to manage these skirmishes.
It may sound like emotional sleight of hand, but fear is nothing more than speculation. Not a neutral form of speculation, like anticipating when things will improve, but more of a worrisome anticipation of chaos, like “This pandemic can’t be stopped!” Of course, in these challenging times, some fear may be unavoidable— this is normal and understandable. But when fear becomes chronic and unreasonable, then it’s time for some personal, Self-Coaching “mitigation.”
Think of fear as occurring on a continuum: Minimal Fear/Concern is on the far left. Moderate Fear/Worry is in the center. Intense Fear/Panic is on the far right. The left side of the continuum represents someone experiencing little or no fear. As you progress along the continuum, fear morphs from moderate/managed fear, to extreme fear (panic) on the opposite end. Where someone falls on that continuum is unique to each individual and that persons level of self-trust and insecurity.
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