Why is change so hard?
Do you grumble or cringe every time you’re faced with a need to change some aspect of your life? If so, Lauren and I discuss a Self-Coaching approach, not only on how to overcome your resistance to change, but how to foster a more resilient, adaptive attitude. Change, after all, is an inevitable part of life. For some of us change can be the root of much stress, anxiety, and fear. Why? Basically, it’s all about the devil you know vs. the devil you don’t. We’re comfortable with what we’ve learned to handle, whereas change presents a disruption to our status quo. And for someone with a low level of self-trust, this simply feels too risky. The more secure and self-trusting a person is, the more capable they are of yielding to life’s ongoing demands to change.
The negativity bias: why it’s harder to be positive than negative
In this episode Lauren and I discuss the ‘negativity bias,’ an inherited human trait that causes us to put more weight on life’s negatives than on life’s positives. A genetic predisposition, such as the negativity bias, is NOT a life sentence, it’s only “tendency toward” clinging—Velcro-like—to negatives. We discuss various, straightforward, Self-Coaching ways to neutralize the negativity bias and replace it with an empowered capacity for positivity. Although the negativity bias has an evolutionary survival basis, it’s important to differentiate a helpful negativity bias from neurotic negativity. The former is driven by potentially harmful life circumstances, the latter by fictions of insecurity. This episode will teach you to differentiate between the two–paving the way for more positive and empowered living.
What exactly is psychological maturity?
In this episode Lauren and I explore the value of psychological maturity when dealing with life’s challenges. We define psychological maturity as a willingness to handle life directly with courageous self-confidence; whereas psychological immaturity is a reflexive, neurotic way of side-stepping life’s challenges. But not all immaturity is destructive or neurotic. for a mature adult, there can be a “healthy” form immaturity that we call your “inner child” who is capable of allowing for an experience of joy, spontaneity, and frivolity. Contrast this with immature adults whose inner child is used, not for adding spice to one’s life, but to manipulate, avoid, or control others.
Are you a “yes” person? A “people pleaser?” Learn how to take care of your true needs and desires.
In this episode, Lauren and I address a rather common problem—saying yes when you mean to say no. The dynamic lies in insecurity. When you sell out on yourself and yield to someone else’s wish you feel safe knowing they will be pleased with you. If, however, you say no, the outcome is less certain. They may get annoyed or angry with you. It’s not a terrible problem, but as we discuss in this episode, your time is valuable and pleasing others at your expense is wasting your valuable time. We’ll tell you how to stand up for yourself and reframe that knee-jerk, “yes,” into a more honest, “I’d rather not.” The simple act of creating and maintaining healthy boundaries can empower you to live a life of integrity and personal liberation.
How to make–and keep–your 2021 New Year’s resolutions
With the close of this difficult and tragic year, it’s time to change our perspective as we look toward 2021 with the prospects of reclaiming our normal lives once again.
In this episode my daughter and I discuss the perennial practice of making New Year’s resolutions. If you’d like some Self-Coaching advice on how to make–and keep–this year’s 2021 New Year’s resolutions, you need to listen to this episode.
Lauren and I would like to wish all our listeners a most happy, healthy New Year, imbued with renewed optimism and belief of better times ahead.
Handling the holidays while handling Covid
As we enter the holiday season this year, we are faced with many new and unique challenges brought on by this pandemic. No longer, for example, can family gatherings be the norm as we ask ourselves who may be spreading the virus. It’s especially difficult for those who have lost loved ones or jobs to even contemplate a holiday season that’s supposed to be joyous when everything seems so bleak. Although the prospects of 2021 are brighter because of the vaccines that are being rolled out, we nevertheless are still left with the question, how do we celebrate? Or, perhaps for many, do we celebrate? In this episode, my daughter Lauren and I explore the challenges of the holidays, suggesting insights and creative options for not allowing Covid to victimize us or our holidays.
Embracing the Mind-Body Connection
In this episode we move beyond the mind in search of a different pathway that may bring us closer to our inherent “love state” We welcome Erin Pace-creator and teacher of the “Responsive Body Practice”-to discuss the power of tapping into body-wisdom in order to access true emotional expression and freedom from habituated ways of being. Instead of living our lives from our “neck up” let’s explore the possibilities that arise when we experience the world with our full being.
Want a fresh start? It’s all about learning to re-frame toxic, negative thinking
Whether it be the stress of handling difficult health challenges, managing ourselves during this pandemic, or simply dealing with the Sunday night stress of beginning another work week, Lauren and I offer straight-forward, Self-Coaching strategies, not only for coping, but for re-framing your negative thinking and unhealthy perspectives, giving you a fresh new start.
Slaying emotional struggle: a guide to mindful living
In this episode Lauren Simonian and I discuss the many psychological advantages of mindfulness. If you’re looking to eliminate emotional struggle in your life, there’s no better foundation than learning to be “present.” Worry, anxiety, depression and other struggles all exist in a worrisome, abstract future or a guilt-ridden past. By learning to be mindful, you will also be learning to live correctly, realizing your full potential for emotional well-being.
The Importance of Carving out time to Cope During Stressful Times: For Parents, Children, and Adults
Children can be our best life-teachers. They often see the world from an unconditioned mind, approaching life with purity and non-bias. In this episode, my daughter Lauren joins me to speak of her experiences working with children in her Health and Wellness classes. Together we explore the deep need for all people–regardless of age, to find ways to incorporate peace and well-being into everyday life.
Why your past isn’t as important as you think
In this episode I dig deeper into the Self-Coaching rationale for ignoring your past and focusing on the true, here-and-now reality behind change and emotional liberation. You’ll learn why anxiety, depression and emotional struggle are resistant to change. Addiction-like these struggles become mired in reflexive and destructive patterns. Sure, it’s hard to change, but by understanding why you need to develop your self-trust “muscle” you’ll begin to understand a real, legitimate path toward emotional liberation.
Understanding relationship struggle (and what you can do about it)
Understanding and eliminating relationship struggle, apathy, and conflict isn’t rocket science, not once you know what to do and how to do it. You’ll learn about relationship trust, partner and self awareness, fidelity, relationship maturity, and most importantly taking the leap and risking love. If I had one wish, it would be for every couple to realize just how simple and effortless true loving really is. It has never been that complicated. It only felt that way because of insecurity’s distortions, communication deficits, or a general sense of relationship apathy. Even if you’re dealing with a reluctant, less enthusiastic partner, you can learn to be the catalyst that encourages positive change and relationship evolution. In life everyone goes around one time—no exceptions. Eliminating relationship struggle makes common sense. Spending your life as part of a wonderful, loving relationship makes sense too—superb sense.
Reaching your goals—guaranteed!
“We have met the enemy and he is us.” (Pogo, 1970) Life doesn’t stop us from reaching our goals, we stop us. Self-distrust, pessimism, negativity, fear–whatever the circumstances that frustrate you, there’s a way. If not through the front door, then the side door, the back door…there’s always a way! Whatever your goals, in this episode you’ll learn the three components necessary for guaranteeing success.
The Meaning of Life
Ever wonder, “What’s the meaning of life?” Of course you have. How did you answer? Did you solve this age-old riddle? In this episode, I’d like to present a Self-Coaching solution that will allow you to cultivate a better, more intimate understanding of how to live a more meaningful life.
There’s nothing wrong with you—stop feeling like there is!
Want to feel better about yourself? This episode of Self-Coaching will teach you how to embrace who and what you are. It’s time to recognize that in order to be your best self, you need to learn to 1.) understand your uniqueness, 2.) stop comparing yourself to others, and 3.) update your adolescent perceptions of self and life. Whether it’s your lack of self-confidence, a sense of inferiority, or simply feeling depressed about your life, this episode will show you how to see the truth and the way forward toward a better happier life.
Managing your fears
In the episode you’re going to learn that fear is an unavoidable part of being human. You may not be able to eliminate all fear from you life, but you can definitely learn to manage these skirmishes.
It may sound like emotional sleight of hand, but fear is nothing more than speculation. Not a neutral form of speculation, like anticipating when things will improve, but more of a worrisome anticipation of chaos, like “This pandemic can’t be stopped!” Of course, in these challenging times, some fear may be unavoidable— this is normal and understandable. But when fear becomes chronic and unreasonable, then it’s time for some personal, Self-Coaching “mitigation.”
Think of fear as occurring on a continuum: Minimal Fear/Concern is on the far left. Moderate Fear/Worry is in the center. Intense Fear/Panic is on the far right. The left side of the continuum represents someone experiencing little or no fear. As you progress along the continuum, fear morphs from moderate/managed fear, to extreme fear (panic) on the opposite end. Where someone falls on that continuum is unique to each individual and that persons level of self-trust and insecurity.
Disappointed by friends? Learn how to adjust your ‘Relationship Orbits’
Do you ever find yourself repeatedly let down by your so-called friends? The problem may not be with your friends—not exactly—but with your expectations instead. If you find yourself disappointed or confused by your relationships, perhaps it’s time to learn about what I call Relationship Orbits. In this Self-Coaching episode, you’ll find that once your relationships are assigned to their proper orbits, you’ll never have to be disappointed or confused again.
How to stop worrying
In this episode, you’ll see that worrying is a form of psychological friction, an anticipation of future chaos—things going wrong (we don’t worry about things going right). Whether you try to control your life by worrying, over-thinking, ruminating, being too cautious, fearful or doubtful; worrying is never the answer and if you’re stumbling emotionally, it’s always at the root of the problem. Rather than worrying about an uncertain or chaotic future, you’ll see why learning to stay focused on the here-and-now facts of your life will keep you mindfully in the present, eliminating the anxiety associated with anticipating doom and gloom. Subscribe to the Self Coaching Podcast here!
Why you don’t have to know “why” you’re struggling.
There’s no question that understanding the historical reasons for your emotional struggles can offer some valuable perspective. But from a Self-Coaching perspective, understanding the “why” you suffer, as enlightening and helpful as it may be, isn’t as important as the “what” you’re going to do about it. If, for example, you’re trying to quit smoking cigarettes, do you think it matters why you took that first cigarette? Of course not. Same goes for challenging the “habits” of anxiety and depression, understanding alone won’t do a thing to help you break your habit. Learning to starve incessant doubt, fear, and negativity is what will. Subscribe to the Self Coaching Podcast here!
Frustrated with your life? It may be your attitude.
In this episode, I discuss why your attitude affects not only how you see the world, but also how the world sees you. Did you know that people with positive attitudes are seen as being physically more attractive than people with negative attitudes? It’s a fact! It’s also a fact that attitudes are learned and attitudes can be “unlearned.” Understand that neither the optimist nor the pessimist knows what tomorrow will bring, but the optimist, by embracing a positive attitude, lives in a passionate world of unending possibilities while the pessimist lives in a world of unending dread. Isn’t it time that you stop being passive to reflexive, knee-jerk attitudes that generate emotional friction and struggle? Isn’t it time that you reclaim the life you want—the life you deserve? Subscribe to the Self Coaching Podcast here!
