The Curse of a Jealous Partner
I was working with a man recently whose jealousy was ruining his marriage. Jealousy is an interesting psychological issue. For starters, jealousy is about control. On the surface, it’s an attempt to control one’s partner from falling prey to someone else’s advances. The underlying reason is insecurity. An insecure, low self-esteem person has an unconscious expectation that they are going to be rejected. It’s this fear that ignites jealousy and a need to control.
Obviously, jealousy is a cancer to any relationship because there is a refusal (or inability) to trust on the part of the jealous partner—that just feels too risky (thus, the need to control). Because of low self-esteem and an expectation of abandonment, the jealous partner—no matter how compliant the non-jealous partner—can never be satisfied. He or she will ask, “Where are you going?” “Who did you talk to?” “Why did you smile at him/her?” and so on. Since the jealous partner is missing the point, i.e., they need to develop more self-trust and a self-esteem, jealousy often will often go untreated, leading to the cause of many relationship catastrophes.